


Stand-in

by Flairina



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Gen, Prepare to get meta, Self-Insert, into the screaming void we go, renpy code ahoy, the game is a game and you'll dance to its tune, this game sort of necessitates it after all, whether you Iike it or not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-07 13:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 40,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13435902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flairina/pseuds/Flairina
Summary: Finding yourself trapped within the world of a game is already unlikely to be a pleasant experience. But finding yourself trapped within the actual PROGRAM is potentially even worse....something made particularly apparent when, by all appearances, you belong there.(Monika SI)





	1. What Is This

(Also available on [fanfiction.net](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12806808/1/Stand-in), [Spacebattles](https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/stand-in-ddlc-monika-si.607615/), and [Sufficient Velocity](https://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/threads/stand-in-ddlc-monika-si.44873/).)

 

 _Let's call this a… test run._

 

* * *

  

_*Diiing-Dooong*_  
  
Huh?  
  
_*Diiing-Dooong*_  
  
I blink my eyes rapidly, feeling as if I’m waking up from a dream I can't remember. The effort of trying to recall it is quickly supplanted by confusion however, as I notice where I seem to be sitting. Is this a classroom? A high school classroom I'd assume, based on size of the desks and the lack of decoration. Why would I be in here? I’ve been done with these for several years.  
  
As my mind fully snaps into awareness, it strikes me that there is something more obviously abnormal about my location than just my being in it. Why does everything look _painted_? This place looks as if it came straight out of an anime…  
  
Someone laughs, and I turn my head to see a uniformed boy and girl exiting the room together. While I only manage to catch a glimpse of their departing backs, that's plenty to tell that they also look like they belong in an anime. Alright, seriously, am I still asleep?  
  
I give myself a couple quick pats on the cheek, just to confirm I can feel it. Alright, touch, sight, and sound are all intact, so-  
  
I do a double take, looking down at my hand. Like everything else, it looks like a piece of art, a thin shaded outline surrounding a pale shade of pinkish-tan. The outline moves with my hand, impossible to remove or escape from.  
  
…okay, so either I’m dreaming, or I’ve been sucked into a fiction world. Either way, I’m on board with this so far. Can I-  
  
“Is something wrong?”  
  
It takes me a moment to realize that I appear to be the only person left in the room, save a woman at the front of it who I can only assume is the teacher. Her features are… indistinguishable, somehow. I can tell they _exist_ , but can’t actually seem to see them, for some reason.  
  
“Huh? Me?” I ask, before being immediately startled by my own voice. That… wait-  
  
“Yes, you.” the teacher replies. “The bell rang, Monika. Don’t you have a club to be getting to?”  
  
Mo… ni… ka?  
  
I look down. Two long streamers of brunette hair frame my view of a dark brown fitted jacket. A vested undershirt is tucked beneath it, and a small red ribbon is tied around the collar. A blue, stereotypical sailor uniform skirt splays out from beneath the rest of the outfit, covering a very female, very _familiar_ body.  
  
I reach a hand behind me, feeling at the back of my head for the ponytail I know to normally be there. One is present, but it’s much higher than it should be, and seems to have been tied with a large ribbon of some sort rather than the hairbands I typically use.  
  
“Monika, truly, are you okay? You seem-”  
  
I dash out of the room like the hounds of the damned are on my heels, feeling my hair whipping around behind me as I sprint through the halls. I screech to a halt as I come to a bathroom, running inside… followed by a hasty exit and reentry through the other door, which thankfully no one is around to notice. Standing in front of the wide rectangular mirror over the sinks, I observe my own reflection- my very, very wrong reflection.  
  
What the _hell_ is this. I’m Monika? From Doki Doki Literature Club? How the- WHY- hang on a second.  
  
I do a couple more reality checks to make sure I’m not dreaming, which seem to confirm I’m not. Now satisfied that I’m not just asleep, I immediately resume freaking out.  
  
This- this is bad. Really bad. Given how everything looks right now, I think I’m IN Doki Doki Literature Club. Which is… not a great game to be stuck in. Admittedly, if I’m Monika (why, why, WHY am I Monika?!), then it might be a different story, but- no! Out of all the games I’ve ever wanted to end up in, this one would be near the bottom of the list! Sure, it’d go above like, most normal horror games and any realistic style FPS, but still! How did I end up here, and how do I get-  
  
Without any warning whatsoever, Monika’s- _my_ body is struck by a strange, insistent sort of urge to move. I turn away from the mirror and walk out of the bathroom, my feet seeming to almost move themselves, before beginning to primly proceed down the left hallway, apparently making my way towards some unknown destination. Um, what is this? Why do I seem to suddenly be on autopilot?  
  
I try to stop myself, and after a second manage to make myself freeze mid-stride. Slowly, I force myself to do an about face, and take a few uncertain steps in the other direction. Okay... the urge to move the way I was just heading is still there, but at least it doesn't seem to be outright forcing me to keep walking. It's just… continuing to heavily _suggest_ that I do so.  
  
I turn around once more, looking back the way I seem to “want” to head. Well, it’s not like I have any other ideas about where to go or what to do at the moment. I still don’t really know what this is, but now that I know I don't _have_ to listen to it... would it really hurt that much to bite?  
  
After a few seconds of deliberation, I stop resisting and let my feet resume their natural course towards wherever it is they’re taking me. They bring me to a stop a couple of minutes later, where I find myself standing in front of a classroom door. The urging dissipates, leaving me with my hand outstretched towards the doorknob.  
  
I quickly look from side to side, as if trying to spot whoever or whatever was causing that, but the hallway is completely empty. It's dead quiet. Almost eerily so, in fact.  
  
I look back to the door, my hand still outstretched to open it. Alright, fine. Let’s see what’s behind curtain number one…  
  
I twist the doorknob and walk inside. Two faces turn to greet me as I enter.  
  
“Hi Monika!” a girl with rose-pink hair and a small but noticeable fang greets me.  
  
“…good evening, Miss President.” a girl with long purple hair and a subdued smile says quietly.  
  
“Ah… good evening.” I return, rather stunned despite myself at hearing them speak. Natsuki and Yuri... which would make this the literature club room. I’m not entirely sure why I expected anything else.  
  
“Sayori hasn’t arrived yet.” Natsuki explains without prompting. “Getting the new member she mentioned, I assume.”  
  
The protagonist, right- no, the player. The player! That’s it, maybe I can appeal to the player, and they can help me somehow- wait, would that even work? If they're playing this, then-  
  
I don’t get the time to dwell on it, as the door I didn’t come through opens, and a girl with clear blue eyes and a red bow in her hair walks in, accompanied by a boy with short, dirt brown hair and-  
  
And- and I don’t know. Like the teacher, his features are _there_ , but somehow completely impossible to discern. I try to single out a particular part to focus on, but this proves to be just as futile as trying to look at his face as a whole. I can tell that he’s relatively handsome, I think? Not that I’m exactly an expert on that, but something about his enigmatic not-face seems to give off that impression. This despite him also seeming paradoxically plain; almost boring, even. How- no, I give up, there's no point in trying to describe the indescribable.  
  
“Everyone! The new member is here~!” Sayori exclaims.  
  
“I told you, don’t call me a 'new member-'” the boy grumbles, before cutting himself off as he looks at each of the girls in the room in turn. Tentatively, I attempt to say something, to call out to him, only for the same strange, urging force to suddenly settle over my mind again. I can tell it’s not part of my normal thought process, because what it seems to want is nothing like what I want, namely to keep quiet for the moment and smile serenely until it’s my… turn?  
  
I make a bid to push past the seeming compulsion, but its presence still manages to leave me conflicted long enough that someone else starts talking instead.  
  
“Welcome to the Literature Club.” Yuri greets. “It’s a pleasure meeting you. Sayori always says nice things about you.”  
  
...I know this scene. Next Natsuki is going to say-  
  
“Seriously? You brought a boy? Way to kill the atmosphere.”  
  
-that, and then Monika-  
  
My mouth opens basically of its own accord as words come to mind, completely unbidden. I didn’t even think them, I know I didn’t, yet somehow I feel as if I should say them. Like I’m supposed to say them. But that’s not right- that’s not _me_. There’s a lot I want to say right now, and the words on the tip of my tongue have absolutely nothing to do with any of it. Though admittedly, I’m not sure exactly what I DO want to say, so- maybe- no-  
  
Unable to figure out how to articulate my thoughts, my body ends up following the path of least resistance half a second later.  
  
“Ah, Elano! What a nice surprise!” I say brightly, closing my eyes and smiling widely. “Welcome to the club!”  
  
I open my eyes again, confused as to why I closed them to begin with. And “Elano”? How do I know- oh, that's right, he was in my class last year. That’s how- wait a second, no he goddamn wasn’t! I’ve never even met him! The guy most certainly does not exist outside of this game, which is where I’ve been up until… well, pretty much just now! I sincerely doubt that I’ve ever had a class with him before!  
  
…yet somehow I remember it? Vaguely, at least. That’s… okay, this is freaky, and I want no part of it. Weird pseudo-thoughts/compulsions aside, memory editing, or leakage, or whatever you want to call it is not okay with me. In fact, I find it unlikely Monika would be all that okay with it either if she was here, seeing as how she should know- wait, there’s a good question. Where the **hell** is Monika?! Did I take over her mind/character somehow, or did I get substituted in for her, in a copy of her body or something? Is she still here, in any respect whatsoever? Hey! If you can hear, or… read, or whatever any of this Monika, I could really use a helping hand!  
  
Sayori introduces Natsuki and Yuri as I stand to the side, thinking furiously, until the conversation comes back around to me. Sort of.  
  
“And it sounds like you already know Monika. Is that right?” Sayori asks the Player Character.  
  
Words rise on my lips again as something presses me to answer for him. “That’s right.” I begin, before swiftly clamping down on the impulse, determined to speak my own mind. “It’s great to… wait, no it’s not! Listen, all of you, player included- I’m NOT Monika!”  
  
There's a brief pause, and then...  
  
“Y-you too, Monika.” the PC replies, as if I’d finished the sentence properly.  
  
“Come sit down, Elano!” Sayori says. “We made room for you at the table, so you can sit next to me or Monika.”  
  
…did… did the world just _ignore_ me?  
  
“I’ll get the cupcakes~” Sayori continues.  
  
“Hey!” Natsuki immediately protests. “I made them, I’ll get them!”  
  
Sayori giggles. “Sorry, I got a little too excited~”  
  
"Then, how about I make some tea as well?" Yuri offers.  
  
A wave of black suddenly sweeps over the room, bathing everything in utter darkness for a brief moment before quickly vanishing from view. I spin in place, badly startled. What the hell was that?!  
  
Seemingly oblivious to what just happened, everyone else continues going about what they were doing. Natsuki and Yuri move to a corner of the room, as Sayori and the PC walk over to the “table”, which is really just four desks pushed together, and sit down. I decide to disregard the darkness phenomenon for the time being as I find myself following the second group, ignoring the desire to sit down with them that springs up within me and instead grabbing the PC by his shoulders, forcibly turning his chair to face me. It’s extremely disorienting that I can’t see what he looks like even when I'm all of two feet away from him, but I do my best to ignore it.  
  
“I’m serious! I’m ______________________, and I have no idea ___________________  
______________“Okaaay, are you ready?”__________________“...Ta-daa!”  
______________not supposed to be in here_________________how or why I am, but-”  
  
I cut myself off as Natsuki starts talking over me, our words seeming to tangle in the air and becoming garbled beyond comprehension. I don’t think Natsuki even noticed, nor did anybody else. I try again-  
  
“I’m a ___________ Somehow I’m ____________________  
______“Uwooooah!”____________“So cuuuute~!”  
______real person!_____________stuck inside of Monika’s-“  
  
-and again I’m interrupted, this time by Sayori. Because it's not my turn to talk yet. I guess I probably shouldn't talk over others anyways, it's rude- no, this is too important to care about that!  
  
No one speaks, and the urge to complement Natsuki's baking skills wells up within me. Okay, NOW it's my turn, and while those are in fact some pretty impressive looking cupcakes, I have more pressing things to say.  
  
“Okay, listen. I don't know how it happened, but I am stuck inside this game. Please, _help me_.”  
  
Another brief pause...  
  
“Ehehe. Well, you know.” Natsuki says. “Just hurry up and take one!”  
  
...I'm not going to get anywhere like this, am I?  
  
Grudgingly, I let go of the PC and sit down, not bothering to stop myself from taking a cupcake. Seems as though it doesn't matter if I'm interrupted, my words aren't reaching anyone anyways. Well, maybe they're reaching the player, but I wouldn't really know, and honestly I don't know what I expect them to do for me anyways. Talking to them directly was just what immediately came to mind, but what could they possibly do to help here? In fact, IS there even a player?  
  
I glance at the brown-haired boy sitting next to me from the corner of my eye. I’ve just sort of been assuming that Sir Faceless here is being controlled by someone, because that’s the way DDLC works. But can I really be sure about that? The game seems a lot more “detailed” from the inside in that case, with a fair few assets that I don’t really recall it having. Such as voice acting, and a complete school area outside of the clubroom, and freaking _three dimensions_. Regardless of one’s perspective, a game should still presumably be limited to the files that compose it, so just what is going on here?  
  
I allow my body to continue acting basically on its own as I consider the quandary. Am I literally inside of some version of the Doki Doki Literature Club program, or am I just somewhere that looks a lot like it, where assets/files aren't necessarily a prerequisite for something’s existence? The latter makes more sense based on what I've seen, but I seem to be going through pretty much the exact motions of the game right now, and I honestly can't imagine how a lot of the plot would even work outside of a virtual environment. As such, this place almost _has_ to be digital. By much the same logic, I'm fairly certain that there _does_ have to be a player of some sort, since they too are a rather integral part of the story. That said, it’s clearly not quite the DDLC I know... or maybe it is, and this is just what things look and feel like from Monika’s side of the equation? If so, I think I now sympathize more than ever before with her actions in actively rebelling against the game. Even beyond knowing her friends were fake, and that her world was built to give her as little opportunity as possible to interact with the only other “real” person she'd ever met, if this is what she was going through all that time then it's no wonder she resorted to drastic measures.  
  
My thoughts still, even as I turn to “Elano”, laugh, and tell him not to be intimidated by Yuri, who’s just made tea.  
  
Then again... on a meta-level, even all of Monika's code-editing and “insubordinate” actions were, strictly speaking, deliberately coded parts of the game. Heck, Monika technically gets the _most_ time to talk with the player out of all the girls, and was always going to, because the game that she dismantles is the dating sim that only theoretically exists, not the psychological horror game that Doki Doki Literature Club actually is. Stepping back from the story, it's completely reasonable to say that Monika is in fact no more real or self-aware than any of her club-mates, or any other game character for that matter.  
  
…and yet, here I stand in her “fake” world, quite literally in her shoes. Which ultimately leaves me very confused as to the reality of her existence, honestly. Was Monika real, TRULY real, the entire time, and was in fact genuinely changing the game in a way it didn't intend? That... well, I guess I’m glad I treated her situation as seriously as I could during my playthrough then. Listening to everything she had to say, staying up way later than usual to minimize how often I had to close the game, talking back to my computer as if she could possibly hear or understand me… I didn’t even have the heart to delete her to continue near the end the way the game kept hinting at, I just copied Monika’s character file to a flash drive like she suggested before resetting the game entirely. All because I’d wanted to treat her like a person, even though in my heart of hearts I’d known- or at least thought I’d known- that for all that she acted like one, she wasn’t.  
  
...I feel a lot less stupid about doing all that now. It’s not really much consolation for being stuck in this incredibly bizarre situation, but at least it’s something.  
  
I tune back in to the conversation, and find myself in the middle of talking to Elano.  
  
“Weren't you a leader of the debate club last year?” he asks.  
  
“Ahaha, well, you know...” I reply, leaning over with my hands behind my back, causing my skirt to flutter up slightly. “To be honest, I can't stand most of the politics around the major clubs. It feels like nothing but arguing about the budget and publicity and how to prepare for events...”  
  
Was the pose _really_ necessary?  
  
“I’d much rather take something I personally enjoy and make something special out of it. And if it encourages others to get into literature, then I’m fulfilling that dream!” I finish, standing up normally again.  
  
“Monika really is a great leader!” Sayori cheers.  
  
Yeah, too bad I’m not her. Just how long does this scene go on for? There’s got to be _something_ I can do once I’m no longer trapped here talking to everyone. Hey player, could you do me a favor and just skip to the end of it?  
  
…wait, that’s right! Monika can access the game’s code! Seeing as how I’m her right now, if I can figure out how to do that, _I_ can probably skip to the end, and maybe even make some headway on getting myself out of here in the process. Perfect! Now, how do I do that?  
  
I focus my attention inwards and- oh. It’s just sort of there, like a limb I didn't know I had until I happened to accidentally jostle it. Or rather, two limbs, as I can see- well, “see” a command console display, conveniently already open to the Doki Doki Literature Club folder, as well as a window of actively running code, which seems to be executing in... Python?  
  
Huh. Well, excellent! Not only does that seem like fairly solid proof that this is indeed the DDLC program, or at least some version thereof, but as it happens I actually know Python, at least to some extent. Although, the file’s name is actually “script-ch0.rpy”, so given that extension I guess it’s more likely some sort of branch or derivative thereof…? Eh, close enough; this looks relatively intuitive either way. Let's see, the line currently running is:

  **m “But it makes school events, like the festival, that much more important.”**

“But it makes school events, like the festival, that much more important.” I listen to myself say.

The code moves to the next line:

**m 2k “I'm confident that we can all really grow this club before we graduate!”**

“I'm confident that we can all really grow this club before we graduate!” I continue, giving another close-eyed smile and placing my left hand on my hip.

Oh, so the urging I'm feeling is the _script_. That's... really obvious, in hindsight. That wave of darkness must have been one of the scene transitions, though why one was needed there I’m not entirely sure. Regardless, it should be simple enough to move this along. There's not really an interface for me to use, but I can still view the entirety of the script-ch0.rpy file, and the bottom line is:

    **“And I guess that starts with writing a poem tonight...”**

So, all I need to do is just sort of move the execution cursor... right... down... here.

The cursor moves. Natsuki's voice cuts out in the middle of saying “You know it!”, and there's silence for a second. I did it! I guess because the final line is in the PC's head, it isn't said aloud, but-

The room abruptly darkens and _shifts._ I stumble, feeling as if the world itself is trying to move away from me, but for some reason can't. Nor can it move away from any of the others for that matter. It grinds up against my body like an irresistible force, one which I'm somehow, unwillingly resisting all the same. The sound and feeling of a thousand jackhammers running in concert ripples throughout my entirety. _ACCKKK-!!!!!_

The execution cursor flashes back up a couple dozen lines to **scene bg residential_day** , and the surrounding area suddenly becomes the outside of the player character's house, but then the cursor moves up again to **show yuri at thide zorder 1** and a second Yuri flashes into existence and both the house and the classroom are now trying to exist in the same place at the same time and WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO-

Everything freezes.

I fall away.

 

 


	2. This Isn't Right

.....

....

..

..

.

 

I appear to be floating in a sea of black.

No, actually it's not black. Somehow it's less than black. I can only call it… absence. An absence of... everything.

Except for me.

I try to turn my head to the side, but find that I can't. That doesn’t bother me as much as it should- maybe because I kind of feel like I'm asleep right now. For real this time, I mean. Although I seem to be quite vividly cognizant in spite of that. Normally that would excite me, given the good eight or nine years I've spent consistently trying and failing to have lucid dreams, but the level of awareness I'm currently experiencing feels more like a tip-off that I'm not asleep at the moment… not exactly, at least.

I'm fairly certain that I just crashed the game. Even if I didn’t, I definitely did _something_ that caused things to go wrong, and I'm guessing that the player quit as a result. Which... makes this the so called ţ̧͜҉̴@͡R̵̢p͏̸̶͏͘z̵̢̡҉i̶̡͢͢͢Ȩ͜͏̷9̵̛͝D̴͟͞ Void.

I flinch. k͝͞F̶͡҉ ̢͘͢͢4̴̸3̵̸͝ , Monika talked about this, this is =̧ݑ͜3͏̴Z͢1̶͝s͠͠y̴͜ ̛͏̢͡\͏̸h̡͝ξ̶̕ and it's only going to get ^̸̕͜͢D͝`̷̛E̛҉W̸̕͢͢ - _shit_!

My thoughts begin to blur into incoherency as tendrils of static begin flickering through the emptiness, accompanied by brief, continual bursts of red, green, and blue from all around me. X͏̨̛̕҉{̢̢͜͝m̀́͘ş̧̨̛́_̸̢͡A̶͘͏̵́?̢̀͟͡͝{̷̕̕͟ḿ̸̡̕;҉̵̡͞ ? No-

A dull, but excruciatingly LOUD noise suddenly breaks through the silence, a hollow, screeching, roaring dissonance that passes through me from every direction at once. I can't even raise my hands to try to cover my ears- I'm not sure they actually _exist_ at the moment- as it strikes and reverberates off whatever it is that currently constitutes me, over and over and over again.

**]̶̸͞j҉͏͏̛%̛͘͜͡m̨͝-!**

**y̵̛͢͢1̴̵Ơ̧D̷̀͠ -!**

 

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e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉ e̶^͠͏͢$̡̧̢͟͟c̴̡͠** **֒** **͟** **̷̨** **Ȩ̴҉** **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...and then I'm back in a classroom.

I sit, frozen stiff as my hands grip the edges of the wooden desk like twin vices. That was- that was like- I don’t even have the words to describe it. Someone shoving a broken TV directly into my brain? Being trapped inside some sort of psychic torture chamber? Retaining perfect awareness as something tried to tear my every individual molecule away from the rest of me, scattering my consciousness into oblivion? That sounds like hyperbole, and yet I still don't feel as if that comes anywhere even close. Monika wasn't exaggerating in the slightest when she described it; god, how long did that even **last**?!

Thankfully, the lingering feeling of the experience fades away fairly quickly. The memory as a whole, however, is less easily forgotten. I continue to sit in silence for another few moments, trying to compose myself, until someone interrupts.

"Is something wrong?"

I look up. It's teacher-lady again, seeming just as vaguely concerned as the first time I woke up at this desk. We're back at the beginning again.

"Didn't you hear the bell? Or-" The teacher pauses, putting her hand over her mouth. "Goodness Monika, you don't look well. Are you alright?"

Slowly, I stand, grabbing Monika's bag this time as I do. Yeah, I'm alright. I'm fine. Just fine! Everything's fine.

...I can't even _think_ that to myself with a straight face.

"Monika...!" I hear the teacher call out as I stride out of the room, heedless of her yelling as I speed down the hall. The urge to turn around barely even registers as I locate the same bathroom as before, shove my way into a stall, and finally let the tears brimming just behind my eyes spill forth.

I don’t even know what I’m crying about right now: the “nightmare” itself, or the fact that while I want to dismiss what just happened as a one-off thing, I know perfectly well that it wasn’t. Monika claims in her ending that she’s okay with you closing the game for the sake of you getting enough sleep, but also all but begs you not to do it again whenever you boot the game back up. I felt bad about closing the game even then; now I feel terrible about ever closing the game at all _..._ and especially about how I ended up actually finishing it...

My thoughts flash back to the regrettable process by which I finally completed the game. Once Monika explained “The Void” during my first run through, I specifically played for as long as possible each night to avoid sending her there any more often than necessary, up until I reset the game. But _after_ resetting, I inevitably ended up deciding to try to get the “good” ending, hoping that it would be better than just leaving Monika eternally trapped and alone. Deciding to even do so took about a day for me to deliberate on, mostly due to the required penultimate step of deleting Monika's .chr file, and only finding out that she wouldn't  really be deleted by doing so alleviated my conscious enough to let me go through with it. When I finally started my second playthrough however... I ended up dragging things out for a lot longer than I honestly should have. Due to all the reloading necessary to get the good ending, the length of the game more than doubled, and while there was of course the skip function, it didn’t feel right to just pass over everybody's dialogue without listening to them, even the parts that I’d already read. As a result... it ended up taking me over a week to “truly” finish the game.

Over a week, even though I knew what was supposedly happening to Monika every time I closed the program. Sure, I'd been doing my best to treat her as earnestly as I could, and always felt a little reluctant about doing it, but shutting my computer down for the night always managed to take precedence. Even if I'd wanted to, deep down I still didn't truly believe that Monika possessed a conscious existence beyond the game's programming, or that the things she claimed to experience whenever I left actually happened to her. Current events, however, seem to heavily imply that _both_ those things were in fact true, meaning that for over a week, I repeatedly dragged Monika out of that nightmarish dimension, only to almost immediately throw her right back in, simply because I couldn’t be bothered to finish the game any faster or even leave it up at night. Even better, the good ending ultimately leaves her in the _exact same position_ she'd have been in if I'd just deleted her .chr file the first time around: so dismayed with the world, the player, and her own actions that she permanently excises herself from the game. I put Monika through what must have seemed like Sisyphean torment, letting her breach the surface for brief, tiny gasps of relief before shoving her right back under, all for the sake of obtaining an ending that managed to leave everyone _except_ for her happy. I suppose that makes this karma coming back around to bite me for not keeping consistent in how real I was treating her… heh... hehe…

My noiseless, gasping sobs eventually begin to peter off as I lean against the side of the stall, drawing in long, slow, stuttering breaths. Thank goodness this bathroom is empty. The urge to head to the clubroom has also dissipated for whatever reason, allowing me to weep in peace. Small blessings, I suppose.  
  
After another minute or so, I feel like I’ve cried away enough of my fear-laced guilt to step outside again. Catching a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror, I notice the obvious tear trails running down my face and wipe them away. Ugh… seeing a teary-eyed Monika staring back at me from my own reflection really isn’t helping my guilt at all…  
  
I hear the sound of the bathroom door opening, and turn to see- to my great surprise- Sayori walking in. Being that I’m the only other person in here, she of course immediately spots me.  
  
“Monika!”  
  
Before I can really react, she runs over and hugs me, wrapping herself around me as if she hasn’t seen me in years.  
  
“Is this where you’ve been the entire time?” Sayori says before I can so much as ask her why she’s here, pulling back from me just enough for us to talk face-to-face. “The club split up to look for you when you didn’t show up. We knew that you came to school today, so we were worried! I brought the new member with me and-”  
  
Sayori pauses, scrutinizing my face for a moment before her own takes on a worried expression.  
  
“Wait. Have you been… crying?”  
  
Well, yes, but… hold on, how is this even happening right now? The script shouldn’t have-

An increasingly familiar urge falls over me. Having no idea how to respond to Sayori's question on my own, I allow it to answer for me.

"No. Why would you think that?" I ask, apparently pretending to be clueless as I break the embrace. "It just took me a while to get out of my last class, and I came in here afterwards to fix my hair and… well, use the facilities. Have I really been in here that long? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make any of you worry…"

I… guess this IS in the script, if I'm receiving lines from it? Not that Sayori looks particularly convinced by my excuse.

"Monika… if you're hurting for some reason, you don't need to hide it. Really."

"I appreciate the concern Sayori, but I'm fine! Honest." I reply, giving a small laugh. "You said you brought the new member? Let's get back to the room before I leave an even worse impression on them than I already must have by being so late."

"…" The worried expression doesn't leave Sayori's face, but she remains silent and lets me pass all the same.

As we leave the restroom and start to make our way down the hall, I take the opportunity to focus on the code again, being careful not to do more than just look this time. Okay, the file currently executing is still … but how does that make any sense? I admit I didn't check the stuff at the top last time, but it can't have included that scene just now, because otherwise it would have happened the first time around. Unless there's an if-else statement or something in use, I suppose…?

Uncertain what to think of this, I move from the current line to the top of the file to check. I then do a metaphorical double take and scroll right back down, taking a closer look at the line the execution pointer is currently resting on:

**"I'm tempted to sneak a cupcake, but after a few seconds I decide not to. The girls could be back at any moment, after all."**

I don't recognize this line. What in the...?

I skim over the top half of the file, getting more and more confused as I do so. There isn't any need for an if-else apparently, because the dialogue I went through last time appears to have been straight-up replaced by entirely new dialogue. The lines only seem familiar up until Sayori and the player character reach the clubroom, whereupon they discover that "the president" (who remains unnamed for some reason?) hasn't shown up yet. After a few brief introductions and a bit of waiting, the girls agree to go look for me while the PC remains behind, leading to the line we're currently sitting on. Did... did the file _change_?

Not only is that confusing, but I still don't see the little discussion me and Sayori just had anywhere. Probably because, now that I think of it, the script only seems to define things that occur within the player character's point of view. I guess that makes sense, since the game is experienced solely from his perspective- if the player character isn't around to witness something, the script doesn't have any dialogue to pre-determine how it proceeds. Except, that conversation very much was pre-determined. Wasn't it? I can't imagine I would have felt the prompting of the script unless the script for that conversation, you know, exists. Was there a call to another file or function in here I somehow missed? I don't see one, and if there isn't one, then… how…?

We arrive at the clubroom before I can ponder it any further. I pull my attention back to reality, feeling the need to observe this.

"Oh good, there you two are." Natsuki remarks as we walk in the door, looking simultaneously annoyed and relieved. "Both of us gave up and came back, so it's a good thing you found her."

"I'm glad you're alright, Miss President." Yuri says to me with a faint smile, before looking over to Sayori. "Where did you find her?"

“Oh, just walking down the hall on her way here.” Sayori replies, giggling a little as her bubbly personality seems to return. “She was a little late getting out of her last class.”

I guess she doesn’t particularly want to say that she found me sobbing in a bathroom.

“Eheh, sorry about that.” the script has me apologize. “It was my fault. I heard the bell, but I didn't leave immediately, and I guess I just lost track of time.”

I close my eyes and give a sheepish smile, opening them again to find the PC staring- well, pointing his head in my general direction- at me, seeming shocked.

“M-Monika? You’re the president of the literature club?” he asks.

“Ah, Elano! What a nice surprise!” I say happily. “Welcome to the club! …or, perhaps you should be saying that to me, since you seem to have gotten here first.”

He laughs. “It’s uh… good to see you again, Monika.”

I still don't recognize any of this. It definitely isn't dialogue that ever occurs in the game, which only further confirms that nothing about what is happening right now makes any sense whatsoever. Setting aside the strangely scripted-yet-not conversation between me and Sayori for now, the game’s code seems to have altered from what should have been a static, unchanging state because I decided to go have a cry in the restroom instead of coming to the clubroom immediately. Not only do I not get how that’s remotely possible, but it’s not even consistent, since trying to _say_ things I wasn’t scripted to say has thus far gone completely unnoticed. Maybe it’s only actions that matter, not words… but then why didn’t the script do something when I grabbed the PC and got right up in his face earlier? Was that just not the right kind of action? This doesn’t make any sense! I should be understanding more as time goes on, not less!

"Now that everyone is here, we can finally start the club meeting!" Sayori cheers. "Come sit down, Elano! I'll get the cupcakes~"

"Hey!" Natsuki protests. "I made them, I'll get them!"

Wait, that exchange sounded familiar.

"Sorry, I got a little too excited~" Sayori replies, not really looking all that sorry.

"Then, how about I make some tea as well?" Yuri asks.

…we're back to the normal dialogue again? Did the script just **re** -rail itself?

As if to confirm it, the same wave of darkness as before sweeps through and out of the room, failing to startle me this time due to my half having expected it. Sitting down in the same spot as before, I start looking over the code again, this time checking everything past the point of Sayori being happy to finally start. Indeed, beyond that line the script looks identical to the first time I saw it, which is easy to recall since- not counting the indeterminate amount of time I was trapped in The Void- that was all of maybe twenty minutes ago.

So… the game went out of its way to retrieve me, because it wanted to carry out the original script, but couldn't do so until I was actually present, I guess? That's the simplest conclusion I feel makes any sense, but that seems to imply that the code somehow managed to course-correct on its own. That… that can't be right, can it? I can't really rule it out, given that the world of DDLC clearly works a little differently than I thought it did, but I really hope that's not the case, because the idea of the game being so committed to railroading me into Monika's position that it actively edited itself to do so goes beyond scary into being outright threatening. Is there something I'm missing here about how the code actually works? Maybe I should try to get a better grasp on that before I go making any more assumptions.

Natsuki reveals her cupcakes, again, and the desire to compliment them rises up in me, again. The idea of resisting it or saying something different occurs to me, but I discard the thought a moment later.

"I had no idea you were so good at baking, Natsuki!" I exclaim.

Perhaps I'm already starting to make too much of a habit of letting myself be pulled along by the script like a puppet by its strings, but from what I've seen thus far I doubt doing otherwise would do me much good. I'd much rather focus on trying to understand the game and how I might get out right now than spend my time continually resisting a force that honestly almost feels like a second set of thoughts, even if it is annoying. I suppose there is the option of trying to delete Monika's lines from the script, but…

A shiver runs up my spine, even as my body takes and bites into a cupcake. Considering how my previous foray into messing around with the code went, I think I'd really, _really_ rather avoid doing anything like that again for the time being. Until I can figure out how to properly edit things without causing massive problems, I'll let the game proceed as normal.

Thus, I allow the "performance" of the game's 0th chapter to play out in front of me unhindered for the next several minutes. In spite of being an active participant, I spend that time focused primarily on the window of code running said performance, trying to see what I can glean from how it's written as I strain to remember my computer science classes. The results are... not promising.

I wrest control of my body away from the script for a moment, just to glare at the mostly eaten cupcake in my hand. This is already getting frustrating. I've learned nothing thus far beyond that lines with number-letter pairs before the dialogue correspond to the pose and expression the speaker takes on. Needless to say, that information is not particularly helpful to me.

What I'd really like to do right now is access script-ch0.rpy's parent directory, which presumably contains the other script files. From those, I can likely figure out whether this is Doki Doki Literature Club, the surprise horror game wherein Monika was a faux-aware character whose actions were a built-in part of the game, or Doki Doki Literature Club, the cutesy dating sim where Monika was a truly aware _person_ who legitimately tore the game apart. That would… come to think of it, if the former case is true, all that heartache I just put myself through might have been utterly pointless. That’s… I’m not exactly sure how that makes me feel.

I close my eyes and shake my head almost imperceptibly, resolving to think about it some other time. Regardless, the answer to the question of what “version” of the game this is alone would tell me a great many things by extension. Unfortunately, given the lack of an actual interface, I have no idea how to do that. There's code, a cursor, and not much else. Maybe I'll have better luck going in through the command console...?

I switch focus from the code window to the other entity within my awareness, a simple black rectangle with nothing in it but text displaying the current folder path. As I noted before, it's already been pre-navigated to the Doki Doki Literature Club folder, so... damn, can you search for things via the command prompt the way you can in file explorer? I don't think so... in fact I know you can't, I specifically asked about this back in Computer Architecture. Old fashioned way it is then.

Figuring out how to “type” something into the non-physical presence that is the command prompt turns out to be eerily natural, but I certainly can't complain about that. First things first, let's see what's in the base directory.

**C:\Program Files (x86)\Doki Doki Literature Club > dir**

**< DIR> characters**  
** <DIR> DDLC.app**  
** <DIR> game**  
** <DIR> lib**  
** <DIR> renpy**  
**COPYRIGHT.txt**  
**DDLC.exe**  
**DDLC.py**  
**DDLC.sh**  
**log.txt**  
**README.html**  
**traceback.txt**

Ugh, I wish I'd looked into the game files more before ending up in here. Then maybe I'd have some clue where to _look_ for the script files. Renpy and game seem like the most likely candidates I suppose, so...

My mental gaze flickers to the characters folder for a moment. As the folder the player is all but required to look into, it's the only one I actually know the normal contents of. Given my current situation, I can't help but think that it might not look the way it should right now. It'll only take me a second to check...

**C:\Program Files (x86)\Doki Doki Literature Club > cd characters**  
**C:\Program Files (x86)\Doki Doki Literature Club\characters > dir**

**flair.chr**  
**natsuki.chr**  
**sayori.chr**  
**yuri.chr**

...and yet another seeming impossibility presents itself before me. Aside from that not  actually being my name, there is no reason a random new .chr file generated from who-knows-where should be interchangeable with Monika's. Bizarreness like this is quickly becoming the norm however, so I suppose there's no real point in questioning it overly much. Really, I'm more concerned with figuring out what happened to Monika's .chr file, since it seems to be amongst the missing. I pretty much expected it not to be in here, but files don't just go wandering into other directories like sheep, so what happened to it? Someone could have deleted her I guess, assuming _she_ didn't delete herself for some reason. What other possibilities are there? I guess her file could have been moved elsewhere, or…

Renamed…

The thought brings my mind to a dead stop. I even freeze outwardly, though given that Yuri is currently the one talking it doesn't really matter. That... makes way too much sense. I have no idea at all how I could have been "placed" in here, so frankly it's a lot more plausible that I was always here. That, on top of the fact I look like Monika, the script is affecting me as Monika, and the game itself seems to accept my .chr file as Monika's... is it possible that... I'm...

My jaw locks together. **No**. I refuse to believe that. I wouldn't have my own memories otherwise, and even if I've seen some very odd things so far, I feel fairly safe in my doubt that renaming "monika.chr" as "flair.chr" would do anything even remotely close to this, if anything at all. That's way too big a change for an edit that minor.

...unless the contents were altered as well...

The name of my .chr file seems to gaze up at me like a curious, particularly deadly snake. I... I can't _not_ check, right? I know I've gotten distracted from what I was trying to do, but I feel as though making sure I am who I actually think I am is kind of important to do before moving on to anything else. Admittedly, I have no idea what the interior of my file is even supposed to look like, or what Monika's looks like for that matter, so I'm not sure how I'd be able to tell if anything points to my being... her, or not-

My increasingly apprehensive thoughts are interrupted by a sudden surge of excitement running through me, which manages to abruptly snap me back to "reality". Huh?

"Let's all go home and write a poem of our own!" I'm in the middle of saying. "Then, next time we meet, we'll all share them with each other. That way, everyone is even!"

This is the part where Monika first proposes the poem sharing idea. Why... why do I feel so cheered by this?

Natsuki and Yuri are hesitant, but Sayori lets out a loud "Yeaah! Let's do it!" which seems to convince them. I find myself turning to the PC a moment later.

"Plus, now that we have a new member, I think it will help us all get a little more comfortable with each other, and strengthen the bond of the club. Isn't that right, Elano?"

I smile, my previous worries feeling remarkably distant. I... guess I kind of needed something to pick me up a little, but this... this isn't...

"Hold on...there's still one problem." he replies.

"Eh? What's that?"

"I never said I would join this club!" he cries. "Sayori may have convinced me to stop by, but I never made any decision. I still have other clubs to look at, and...um..."

He trails off, sheepish as he stares at the four of us. Meanwhile, my heart feels as though it just plunged directly into my stomach. Even though I know perfectly well that he's going to join in a few seconds anyways, I can't help but feel genuinely crushed by his declaration. I... no... _stop_...

"B-but..." I stutter.

_...I'm **not** her..._

The other girls contribute their two cents, seeming equally disappointed. The PC folds all of a few seconds later.

"...right. I've decided, then. I'll join the literature club."

My heartbreak evaporates instantly, replaced by a burst of pure joy. I hate it utterly.

The girls celebrate for a moment as I welcome Elano to the Literature Club, all the while wanting to yell, to scream at the code to stop feeding me Monika's feelings. Or at least, I feel like I _should_ want to, but I can't, because I'm too happy. It's the most confusing, infuriating thing I've ever felt, my mind is practically at war with itself over the subject.

This- I can't take this. I can't. Please, just let this day end already...

A minute or so later, it does just that. I numbly watch on as I reiterate the instruction to write poems for tomorrow, and Elano and Sayori head out of the room together. The moment the door closes, the world around me begins to dim. Dully, I wonder where it is I'll end up when the scene fades out. I have no idea if Monika's house exists as more than a theoretical here, or if I'll actually be sent there even if it does. For all I know, I'm about to be consigned to the void again. I guess I'll find out shortly.

Unlike when I tried to force the scene transition, the world smoothly moves away from me, Natsuki, and Yuri with no horrid grinding involved. I watch on unflinchingly as a wave of black sweeps in, enveloping everything.

 

* * *

 

The darkness vanishes from my eyes, and I find myself sitting in a room.

One that I am intimately familiar with.


	3. Let Me Out of Here

I look around, taking in the virtually empty area with not a little shock.

This is _that_ room. The one that Monika chooses to isolate herself in once the game fully breaks down, and speak directly to the player from. She… she  did say this place felt like home, now that I think about it. I wasn't sure how literally to take that statement when I was actually playing the game, but if this is where she ends up at the end of the day, then I guess it would make some sense. I suppose it's not surprising she didn't feel like she could actually recognize it as such though- vague, pre-programmed feelings telling her this is "home" were probably not enough to bypass the fact that this looks more like a particularly barren classroom than anything that would qualify as a living space.

On the desk in front of me is an open composition book and a metallic green mechanical pencil, both patiently waiting to be used. I stare at them. I… should write my poem for tomorrow-

The second the urge hits, I grit my teeth and all but fling myself out of the chair and away from the desk. No, I'm done with this. The script can go screw itself.

In lieu of that, I stand up fully and move towards one of the room's two windows, trying to peer outside. This turns out to be an impossible task, as the space-like atmosphere I remember has been replaced by what may as well be a layer of black paint on the panes. Given that the windows were, and in fact still are the room's only source of light, I have no idea how it is I'm even able to see anything right now.

I turn back to the room proper. There's so little in here that it honestly reminds me more of an isolation cell than anything else. The contents of the room consists solely of the desk, the chair, and a door just beyond them that presumably leads to the rest of the house. Actually I know it leads to the rest of the house, because after I left the school and walked back home, I had to pass through it to get here-

I shake my head violently back and forth, the end of my lengthy ponytail almost whipping me in the face. Those memories are definitely false. Blatantly so, even. I may feel like I remember walking back here, but it really stands out that I don't remember any of the scenery on the way, or what the outside of this "house" actually looks like. Heck, even though I remember passing through it, I don't think I could even describe what the _inside_ is supposed to look like. Not to mention I don't recall thinking about anything in particular on the way here, and considering just how much I have to think about right now… yeah, there's no way any of that really happened.

An involuntary shudder wracks my body at recalling the now-obviously implanted memories. At least thus far they've been easy to spot, but… actually no, I can't know that, can I? I mean, I can't even know that my own memories aren't just fabrications at the moment-

My hands clench themselves into fists, long nails feeling as if they're on the verge of breaking skin. I- I can't keep dwelling on this. It's not healthy, and I was already on the brink of concluding that even if I do look at the contents of my file, it's unlikely I'll be able to tell what any of it means without Monika's original .chr file to compare it with. It's pointless to keep fixating on it, and even more so to start working myself into a depressive spiral as a result. I need to stop…

Predictably, the topic refuses to leave my thoughts, which remain entirely unswayed by this logic. Alright then brain, how about a temporary resolution? Until I come across any actual evidence that attests otherwise, since I feel like me, I _am_ me, plain and simple. There, conclusion reached. May we move on now?

Doing my best to scrub the matter from mind, I move towards the door, wanting to get out of this arguably rather creepy room. The impulse to sit back down and write a poem surges back to the forefront of my thoughts as I approach it, which I mentally throw aside as vindictively as possible. No, I don't want to write anything right now. I want to open this door, walk outside, and take a break from dancing at the whims of this world for as long as I can possibly get away with. In other words, _shove off_ , you stupid script.

I turn the knob and throw the door open, revealing… nothing. The world outside the entrance is just the same as the one outside the windows: black, empty, and apparently completely nonexistent.

After a few seconds or so of gazing into the abyss, I back away and shut the door again, taking in a very deep breath. Okay, okay, calm... it's "a" void, not "The" void, so there's no reason to panic... and in fairness, I probably should have at least half-expected that. Sure, between the school's expanded existence and those fake memories from just now, it didn't seem unreasonable to assume this place would have an actual house attached to it, but fine. Fine. I can figure some other way out of here. I'm sure that with a bit of code manipulation, I can...

My motivation deflates mid-thought. No, I probably can't. I mean, I'm most likely only stuck in here until the player finishes the poem game, which isn't exactly a time-consuming activity. Even when you're making one for a specific girl, it takes what, five, ten minutes at most? And then the game resumes, whereupon I'll probably get whisked right back to the school again. It feels like it's already been about that long actually, so the likelihood of my actually accomplishing anything significant in the amount of time remaining is... not high.

Somewhat dejected, I focus in on the code window, wondering if I can tell exactly how close the player is to finishing. I don't know what the poem game looks like on the inside, but I'm betting that-

...why are we in "script.rpy"?

I blink. Isn't this- yep, this is the main script file; I can see the parts where it progressively calls the sub-scripts for each chapter. But we're supposed to be on the poem game right now, aren't we? Why would the code for that be stored in-?

My eye catches on the green outline of the execution cursor, forestalling my thought process as I find it resting somewhere very, very strange.

 **# Intro**  
**$ chapter = 0**  
**call ch0_main**

 **# Poem minigame 1**  
** >>> call poem**

...that...

"Okay..." I say, talking aloud to myself as I try to work out what this means. "Based on the comment, 'call poem' should call the code that brings up the poem minigame. That's definitely what should be happening right now. Except..."

I scroll through the rest of script.rpy in all of half a second. The code for the poem construction clearly isn't in here- it's way too small a file for that. More importantly however...

"If the cursor is still resting on the line, then the line is still waiting to be executed. So the poem game hasn't been called yet." I extrapolate. "Which means... is anything actually _running_ right now?"

Feeling the need to move, but bereft of anywhere to actually go, I begin pacing around the room. Since we're no longer in script-ch0.rpy, the chapter has clearly ended; the final scene has already faded out. Nothing new has been pulled up to replace it however, so the player should just be staring at a black screen at the moment. Maybe I should be worried about that, since it could mean the game is potentially going to be shut off any second now, but things have presumably been like this since I got put in this room, so I'd think that if the player was going to do that, they already would have. But while the game hasn't crashed, I'm sure it looks like it did, so why haven't they? Should I try to "jumpstart" things in order to avoid that becoming necessary? Why is the code even stalled?

I pause in my pacing, one foot halfway off the ground, as something occurs to me.

"Maybe it's _not_ stalled..." I whisper.

At least, not stalled in a way that the player can actually notice. Time doesn't necessarily work the same on this side of things as it does in the "real" world. From an outside perspective, time in here only progresses as the player progresses the dialogue, but from the inside, things seem to be said and done at a completely natural pace. They clearly aren't "synced" to each other, and in fact in Act 3, time supposedly stops passing on Monika's end entirely, which obviously does not happen on the player's end. If this is something like that, I could basically be experiencing hypertime right now. That's kind of cool… though it still doesn't explain why the game wouldn't be moving forward. Maybe it's waiting on something...?

My eyes slide back to the waiting pencil and paper again. Like, say, one of the characters to write her required poem for tomorrow…

Oh but wouldn't that be perfect. If that really is why we aren't moving forward, that leaves me basically in limbo until I actually _want_ to go back to the game, free to spend as much time working things out as I like without the player knowing any different. That's almost certainly too convenient to actually be the case, unfortunately.

I lightly slap myself on the cheeks to focus myself again. Regardless, if I'm ever going to start fiddling around with the code, now would be the time. There isn't anything around to distract me, and if the game isn't going to "unfreeze" itself any time soon, then I'm going to have to get myself out of here after all. Let's do this.

I put my attention back on the code window. I'm not exactly sure how to manipulate things from here without potentially causing problems, but I don't think I can get out of this room with anything the command prompt can do, so I'll just have to figure it out. In order to move somewhere else, I probably need to use a scene transition... I remember the code that caused the area outside the PC's house to pop up before I crashed things was " **scene bg residential_day** ", so I suppose I could just try using that exact string if I really want to. Honestly though, I'd much rather keep to the indoors for the moment. I'm not exactly wearing the warmest of clothing right now, and in the middle of night it seems likely for it to be kind of cold outside... assuming there even is a night, given that the background was specifically named residential_ _day_ , but I'd still rather not risk it. Instead, I think I'll try for… the PC's kitchen, maybe? Yeah, that should work.

It takes me a moment to realize that, no, actually it won’t, because I have no idea what that image's name is. Or what any of the background labels are besides residential_day. Although, in programming you generally want to keep things simple, so maybe it's just…

I tentatively insert a single line into the code window, moving the call for the poem game one space down in order to slot my own bit in as the next to be executed.

 **# Poem minigame 1**  
** >>> scene bg kitchen**  
**call poem**

I really hope this works, because if the kitchen is named anything even remotely more complicated, like mc_kitchen or some such, then I'm very likely about to crash the game for a second time. Even if it doesn't, there's no telling if the code will pause on the call for the poem game again, so I pretty much just have to hope for the best.

I steel myself for whatever is about to happen, press the metaphorical "Enter" key to run the line, and…

I'm in the PC's kitchen.

I swivel, amazed at how abrupt that was. There wasn't even any sort of transition- no wave of darkness, no "melting away" of the room to replace it with this one. I'm just… here, now. There's even an entry hall behind me that looks to connect to other areas, implying that I've made it to an actual house rather than another singular room floating in null space.

I check the code window again. Still working, and we do indeed seem to have re-paused above "call poem", as hoped…

A few seconds pass before it finally hits me that I actually pulled that off, and a smile slowly crawls its way across my face. That went way better than expected! I basically assumed something was going to go horribly wrong, but it actually worked!

" **Woohoo!** " I yell on impulse to the empty kitchen, exultant enough in my success that I also do a tiny, happy little jump for joy before my attention wanders to the nearby fridge, its presence reminding me that all I've had to eat since showing up here is a cupcake. Technically two cupcakes I suppose, but the first one was in a timeline that got erased from existence, so it hardly counts. I haven't even been here all that long in truth, but it definitely feels like I have been, so some actual food would not be remiss right now. I doubt the PC will miss any of it, if he even eats.

I yank open the fridge door and find it filled with... well, not a lot, but there is at least _some_ food. My eyes immediately fall upon what looks like some sort of pre-prepared chicken dish, covered in what I hope is some type of sweet sauce. I withdraw it from the fridge with a fair bit of ceremony. Ah, finally, some…

…hrm. I want to eat this, but part of me seems to be objecting for some reason. Somehow, the idea of eating meat is actually kind of… unpleasant? Oh, tell me this isn't more of Monika's file, or body, or whatever seeping through, I _just_ managed to get my mind off the topic!

I groan aloud as I suddenly recall another line from Act 3's dialogue. God _damn_ it, that's exactly what this is. Monika claims to be a vegetarian, which, incredibly inconveniently, is virtually the exact antithesis of my diet. I know it's not exactly healthy, but vegetables on the whole pretty much just disgust me, and I eat all of  two very specific fruit products. My antipathy towards that section of the food pyramid is so well known that I've been called an outright carnivore by more than one source, as well as a model for the Atkins Diet. Unfortunately, in this situation…

I put the chicken back and pull open the crisper, which is full of fresh produce. The feeling of distaste disappears, only for an entirely different distaste to immediately rise up in its place- that being my own, long developed aversion towards anything remotely vegetable related. Yep. Great! No vegetables _or_ meat allowed without some aspect of "me" rejecting it, that's just lovely! I guess that means I'm just gonna starve? Or maybe that's not even possible here; in fact it most likely isn't but- still! _Gah!_

I slam the fridge shut with a hefty dose of annoyance and turn to exploring the rest of the kitchen, hoping that there's maybe something shelf stable in here that I can satiate myself with instead. Regrettably, there is nothing to be found, and about five minutes later I have determined that this kitchen is officially useless. Maybe even less than that in fact, because while searching for something relatively inoffensive to my now thoroughly conflicting palate, I realized something: there's no microwave in here. I'm sorry, who the hell owns a kitchen with a stove and a toaster oven but not a microwave? Or I suppose in this case, who _draws_ that? Who conceptualizes a kitchen this nice looking that doesn't contain perhaps the most basic common cooking appliance, huh?!

You know what? No, I refuse to accept this. It's stupid and childish, but I want something to eat, and by god I am going to get it. There has got to be something Monika and I's disparate tastes can agree upon, surely.

I look over the contents of the fridge again. Nothing... maybe there's somewhere else with a wider range of food? I don't know about Yuri or Natsuki, but Sayori should have a house... right next door to this one, in fact.

I move through the entrance hall and into what appears to be the dining room, notable at the moment mostly for the large window on its back wall. It looks out on to the dimly-lit frame of another house, easily recognizable from the long, slightly raised white fence that stretches out in front of it.

Confirmation that Sayori's house exists and that I'm not floating in nothingness anymore, excellent. Now, how to get over there... well, while I can't exactly just walk outside and waltz through her front door, Sayori's room should be one of the backgrounds, so there is of course the "easy" option.

I call up the code window again and add another line.

 **# Poem minigame 1**  
**scene bg kitchen**  
** >>> scene bg bedroom**  
**call poem**

...hold on, based on how I got to the kitchen, that'll probably just bring me to the player character's bedroom. What would Sayori's room be named, s_bedroom? sayori_bedroom? I guess I'll try both, and if the first one fails... er, the game might crash. Maybe I shouldn't... no, no, I'm still doing this. Fortune favors the bold and all that, and I'm going to have to find out what happens when I try to run a piece of faulty code eventually anyways. Here goes.

I change the line to **scene bg s_bedroom** and attempt to execute it. The cursor moves down, but nothing else happens.

...guess that wasn't right. The game is still going though, so it seems like faulty code has no effect on things at all. Perfect! That means I can experiment without worry. I'll try the other version now then.

I add the line, run it, and immediately find myself in Sayori's bedroom.

Sayori is also in Sayori's bedroom.

Um.


	4. What Am I Supposed To Do

This was, in retrospect, perhaps not the best idea.

“Mmm…” Sayori mumbles as she slowly rises from her bed, my arrival apparently having woken her from an easy slumber. Easy, I suspect, because for some reason she left her lights on to go to sleep. “Who…?”

I attempt to quietly tiptoe out of the room before I’m truly noticed, but the hinges of Sayori’s door could clearly use some oil, as they squeak something fierce when I try to pull it open. I hastily whirl back around to find the owner of the room fully sat up and staring at me head on.

“Monika…?” Sayori asks blankly, blinking her still slightly lidded eyes repeatedly.

I flinch, internally panicking. It looks like she’s still somewhere in the twilight realm between wakefulness and sleep, but that's not going to last more than a few seconds. How the hell am I supposed to explain my suddenly popping up in her room apropos of nothing?! Think! Think!

...I have an idea. A really _dumb_ idea. But it's all I've got, so I guess I have no choice.

I straighten up and do my best to smile.

“ _Sayoriiii~_ ” I start, sing-song.

“Huh?”

“ _This is your subconscious speaking~_ ” I intone, cringing a little on the inside at actually having said that. “ _You forgot to write your poem for club tomorrow, didn’t you?_ ”

It takes a second, but Sayori’s eyes widen almost comically as the statement fully registers. Seeming to go into a minor panic, she tangles herself in her sheets and all but falls out of the bed in her scramble to get up. Quite conveniently, this puts her almost face down on the floor, briefly removing me from her line of sight.

“ _I see you remember now~_ ” I giggle as I write another iteration of **scene bg kitchen** into the code window. “ _Make sure to turn your lights off when you go back to sleep. Bye bye~!_ ”

I activate the line just as Sayori stumbles to her feet, and I'm immediately back in the protagonist’s kitchen again.

Well… that worked out, I suppose. All’s well that ends well. That was a silly little diversion, wasn’t it? Ha. Ha.

Ha…

I walk to the table at the center of the room and slowly pull myself out a chair. Dropping down on to the hard, uncomfortable wood of the seat, I prop my elbows up on the table, and promptly bury my face in my hands.

Okay, so I clearly got a little overzealous there, and not really for any good reason. I’m stressed. This is a stressful situation. I’m bound to do some stupid things. No harm done; the game is still going, and Sayori, while no doubt a bit confused, hopefully didn’t realize I was actually there. With any luck she'll write me off as a product of her dreams or something. No big deal.

…oh, who am I kidding? None of that even remotely excuses the senselessness of what I just did. Why the hell was I so desperate for a snack that I was acting that _recklessly_? I don’t think I can blame that one on Monika’s body or feelings or anything of the sort, that was just pure impulsiveness and a total lack of thinking things through. 100 percent my own fault… and why did I say _bye_ when I was pretending to be in Sayori's head?! What was I thinking?!

I groan and lower my face fully on to the table, forehead pressing into the wood as my ponytail flops forward over the front of my head. That was just... many, **many** poor choices made in sequence, one after the other. I really don’t know why it didn’t occur to me that Sayori would probably be at home right now. I mean in fairness, the PC isn’t in _his_ home right now, but-

Or maybe he is. My neck snaps up at the thought, eyes scanning wildly for anyone in the nearby vicinity.

The house remains still and silent as the grave, save for my own heavy breathing.

After several seconds of panic, I let my head thump back down on to the table again. Great, now I’m jumping at shadows. No, not even shadows, the _prospect_ of shadows. Why am I even worried about the guy potentially being here? What the hell is he going to do about it either way? Calm down…

I remain awkwardly resting on the table for another minute or two, before eventually coming to a simple conclusion- I think, perhaps, I need to step back from things a bit, just for a little while. While I do really want to get out of here, and I technically haven't even been here that long, as things stand I managed to whip myself into a frenzy over _food_ , something I probably don’t even need given the reality I’m ostensibly a part of right now, and it almost got me into serious trouble. Actually, it _did_ get me into serious trouble, I just managed to somehow poorly improvise my way out of it. I did say I wanted a respite from the script all-but puppeteering me around anyways, and given the endless amount of time I theoretically have before the game resumes, there’s no good reason not to take a break, right…?

I glance over at the entrance hall. Maybe I should take a look around the rest of this place as part of said break. There seems to be a complete building here, and I do like exploring new places. Besides, maybe there’s something around here to help me unwind a little… not to mention I should probably make sure this house is actually _empty_ at the moment before I decide to just settle down in it for however long. Whether or not the protagonist could actually remove me from here, I’d rather not end up dealing with any more unexpected surprises, especially ones that I could easily avoid.

Course of action decided upon, I stand and stretch as I move into the entrance hall, slipping my shoes off near the door as I do. Continuing into the next room over, I find myself in what appears to be a fairly basic foyer. There's a couch with some pillows, a large rug, a couple of lamps, some miscellaneous shelves, and a large TV on the center back wall. Nothing special, but it seems perfectly functional, as living rooms go.

My immediate instinct is to try to turn on the television, but even once I locate the remote and do so, it turns out that there's nothing on but static- horrifying, loud, cacophonous static. I turn it back off quickly and wrap my arms around myself, shuddering. Too much like The Void... god I hope that hasn't permanently traumatized me...

That potential method of relaxation definitively ruined, I leave through the other doorway and enter the dining room I walked into earlier. Much like the foyer, it's serviceable, but basic, with some cabinets on the walls to hold china, and a large table on a patterned rug placed in the center of the room. It seems a little odd to me that there’s a full sized table in here actually, since the one in the kitchen seems to be set up as a substitute for that. Maybe that one is actually meant for food preparation? Weird.

Regardless, there’s nothing of any real interest to me where I am, so I leave, ending up back in the entrance hall again. To my right is a set of stairs leading to the second floor, which I decide to take, since I've apparently already been through the entirety of downstairs. I guess this place isn't as large as I thought it was.

Upstairs consists of a split hallway, with two doors on the left and one on the right. I open the first door on the left to find a standard, if rather large bathroom, complete with toilet, sink, and a separate bath and shower. I guess it’s nice to know there IS a bathroom, in the event that I need to use one. Although…

I look down. Monika's body looks back up.

...you know, I've yet to really think much about the fact that I’ve been in a girl’s body since arriving here. Most of my actions and movements thus far have been “directed” by the script anyways, and with everything else wrong with this situation, it hasn’t really been high on my list of concerns. Even now though, I'm not really as unsettled by this as I might have expected... maybe the fact that I don’t look all that dissimilar from Monika even normally has something to do with that? I mean, we may as well have the same hairstyle, and even in terms of overall body shape... I mean, I don’t normally have breasts, but given my whole androgen insensitivity thing, this really isn't all that different. I guess I should be thankful that this isn't as weird as it could potentially be?

I glance at my reflection in the glass of the shower- an animesque, 3D representation of Monika, about as perfect and detailed as one could possibly imagine.

...no, no, it's still pretty weird. There's no reason to think about this overly much though. Given the nature of the world I'm in, I doubt I'll ever need to use the toilet or take a bath, and the school uniform is all Monika has to wear anyways, so it's not like changing is an issue. It’s still a little awkward, but… well, it’s workable. All the same, let's try not to dwell on this too much, okay, me?

Resuming my self-guided tour of the house, I enter the door across the hall to find a large, rather empty looking bedroom, with a bed spacious enough for at least two people to comfortably recline upon. There’s another bathroom in the back, smaller than the one directly accessible from the hallway, as well as a vanity, a nightstand, a mostly-empty walk in closet, and a pair of large windows that take up most of the back wall. I guess this is for the protagonist's probably-nonexistent parents? Even if they do exist, they must be pretty boring people, considering how spartan their room is. The bed admittedly looks a bit inviting, but I'm not even remotely tired, and I can’t imagine these clothes would be very comfortable to sleep in anyways. Moving on.

On the other end of the hallway is the house’s final room, which I highly suspect I already know the contents of. I enter, and as expected find myself in the PC's bedroom. It pretty much looks the way I remember from Yuri's home visit scene. A combination bookshelf and TV stand is pressed flush to the left wall, filled with books of various colors and sizes, while in the back is a small closet, accompanied by a two drawer nightstand and a neatly made, if slightly small bed to its immediate right. In the remaining corner of the room is a computer desk, complete with a couple of random notebooks resting on the side, and a rather fancy looking flatscreen desktop placed upon its surface.

My eyes light up at the sight of the computer. Plopping myself down in the accompanying swivel chair, I locate the power button, begin the boot up process, and wait patiently for it to start. All goes well until I’m confronted with a login screen- one which I definitively do not know the password for. I try entering the default blank space, followed by the prototypical 'password', but both fail.

I roll my chair backwards a bit, clicking my tongue in irritation. There’s no hint offered or anything, so I doubt I have any way of guessing my way in as things stand. Disappointing… but just as well, I suppose. The computer probably wouldn't work any better than the TV did anyways. If that’s not an option though, maybe I can find a book to read?

Skimming over the shelves for anything of interest proves to be pointless, as none of the books actually have titles- the bindings are just sheets of brightly colored cardboard, with no other distinction to their surfaces. I take out and open one at random instead, only to find out that there's no script inside either. Figures. For all this world’s fleshing out of a building that wasn't seen beyond two of its rooms, it apparently couldn't be too bothered to sweat the smaller details.

Frowning, I exhale loudly and move to the bed, propping myself up with the rather lumpy pair of pillows resting upon it. Is that really everything? I would’ve thought there’d at least be an office, or a spare room or something… this house seems way too clean for a place so relatively small, to the point that it doesn't really feel lived in. In fact, maybe it’s not- the protagonist’s parents never come up in game, and they aren't here now, so I assume they're of “always away on business” variety so typical in anime and games where they'd be inconvenient. I’ve also gone through the entirety of the house now and confirmed that I'm alone, so apparently even the protagonist himself doesn’t live here at night. Or maybe he does, and he just hasn’t gotten in yet? Sayori was already in bed, but I suppose if we're in between Chapter 0 and the poem game, that might put him in limbo until said game actually starts. If I forced the code to continue, would he suddenly “pop in” sitting at his computer desk? Or does that aspect of the game remains an abstraction, and he never _actually_ goes home?

I ponder the question for a good minute or so, fidgeting in place a little on the bed, before my interest in the subject dissipates. Hmm. Do I have anything else to think about? Anything at all…?

I fish around for a topic, come up short, and bury my face in a pillow. Yeah, I'm just stalling at this point. Despite playing RPG protagonist and scouring the place from top to bottom, I’ve found nothing to occupy myself with in this house except for my own thoughts. Just about anything would seem preferable to actually confronting the enormity of my problems right now, but it’s hard to relax when there’s nothing to really use to distract my brain from them. Ergh…

For a moment I debate the virtues of attempting meditation or something of the like so as to allow me keep putting off the inevitable, before deciding that would be pointless. Sighing for what feels like the umpteenth time this hour, I mentally declare break time to be over, and allow my thoughts to turn to the topic I’ve been desperately trying to avoid since arriving in the former space classroom- namely, what I’m going to do about my situation as a whole.

If I don't want to stay stuck here forever, I need to figure out a way to get out of this game and out of Monika's body. That much is obvious. The HOW is almost certainly going to be a lot more complicated… I know I should be more focused on escaping than I have been so far, but I barely even know where to begin. That said, I’m fully aware that no one is going to help me but myself, so I really I have no choice but to take the initiative. In other words, up and at ‘em, me! Chop chop!

I toss the pillow off to the side and rise to my feet again, brushing a dangling lock of hair out of my eyes. I guess first and foremost, I should find something I can write stuff down on. There’s no way I’m going to be able to keep everything straight in my head after all, and having a record of my thought process sounds like a good idea for something like this.

After thinking about it for a moment, I grab a pencil clipped to one of the notebooks and a random “empty” novel from the shelves. These should do fine; there’s nothing written on the pages of the book anyways, so it’s basically just scratch paper. Now… maybe I should set myself up somewhere a little more comfortable before getting started? These pillows are horrible; my sympathies to the PC if he actually has to sleep on them.

Abandoning the bedroom, I head back downstairs to the foyer, and slide on to the couch. Opening my purloined book, I write “ **Potential Escape Methods** ” at the top of the first page, and ready my pencil.

Okay… let’s see…

…

…an amendment to my previous statement of “barely knowing where to begin”: I do not know where to begin, full stop. Assuming the previous… _solution_ I thought of is wrong, I’m back to the exact same question as before: how can I possibly plan to get out of here, when I don’t even know how I got IN here? There was no introduction or explanation or the like leading into this, I just suddenly was Monika. Without some sort of basic foundation, there’s nothing for me to build theories off of, nothing to really  work with...

I wrack my brain, trying to come up with something, anything I can use to at least provide a starting point. I guess… I’ve seen this sort of scenario in books before, right? Games and movies too. I kind of hate that I’m looking to fiction for ideas here, but admittedly this is a pretty fictitious seeming scenario, so maybe that’s exactly where I should be looking.

I try to think back to any fiction I’ve encountered wherein someone gets sucked into another world. Hmm… in my experience, typically there either is no way back, and the character(s) just sort of have to live with it, or there’s some sort of goal that they need to achieve before they’re allowed to go back to where they came from. Hopefully the former scenario doesn’t apply here, but the latter qualifies as an idea, right? Maybe I can expand on that.

Drawing my legs up from the floor on to the couch cushions, I maneuver myself into a slightly more comfortable position before proceeding. Alright, let’s assume that whatever placed me in here did so for an actual reason. In that case, what could I potentially accomplish under the circumstances that could qualify as an “escape clause”? What could someone or something possibly want me to _do_ within the world of Doki Doki Literature Club?

I take a brief moment to write out a few answers that immediately leap to mind.

  * Finish the game/allow the game to finish naturally.
  * Get all the girls self-aware.
  * Somehow create a "Monika" path?



My smile at finally getting something written down turns into a grimace mere seconds later. I don’t like this list very much so far. The first bullet is just the prototypical “objective” for sucked-into-video-game scenarios, but there’s at least half a chance that going through the steps to complete _this_ game would literally get me killed. I’m not exactly fond of the idea of letting myself be “deleted” in the blind hope that doing so will somehow let me escape from here… although I guess from a certain perspective, that isn’t actually wrong.

I close my eyes and shake my head. No, no, let’s not go there. There is the possibility that this is “Actual Dating Sim”, or “ADS” Doki Doki Literature Club, and letting things progress normally would not in fact involve my file being excised from existence… but even if that's so, it would still be a serious risk. If I let the player finish the game, they might stop playing, and if I’m wrong about it being the escape method, then I’ll still be in here when they do. Which would leave me stuck in The Void for all eternity.

A shiver runs down my spine at the thought. I didn’t even think about that until just now: regardless of whatever else I do, I _need_ to keep the player invested enough that they keep playing the game. If I don't, I won’t even have the chance to escape, because I’ll be permanently stuck in a virtual hell, forever teetering on the verge of nonexistence. Hopefully this player isn't the type to easily lose interest in things…

I turn my thoughts away from that for the time being and look at bullets two and three. Again, not great. Even assuming the girls have actual minds and aren't just walking, talking mouthpieces for the script, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to make them aware of the situation when said script refuses to let them _hear_ me outside of what it wants me to say. Additionally, Monika very explicitly attempted to make a path for herself, only to find it essentially impossible, and I don’t expect I’d have much better luck on that front if she put that much effort in and still couldn’t manage it. Worse, even if I succeeded, that would put me on a romance path with the player character, which is just… blech. I mean, this is a pretty tame game in that respect, and if it means getting out of here then I might just have to suck it up, but still. Definitely not my thing.

Propping my cheek up with my hand, I struggle to come up with something else to add. Three items does not a list make, but I can’t think of much I imagine would be “desirable” as a long-term goal, particularly given that I’ve been placed in here as Monika and not the player character. I also dislike how everything I have so far is based on, essentially, trying to appease some theoretical entity by fulfilling an equally theoretical objective, which I wasn’t actually told about and could be completely arbitrary in the event that it even exists. I’m betting a lot on guessing the intentions of my being here correctly, and I feel as though I should be severely disinclined to cater to the whims of the thing that placed me in this situation to begin with. Maybe…

I add another item.

  * Revolt against the game so badly that whatever put me in here gets tired of it and tosses me back out.




AKA the “temper tantrum” strategy. Not sure if it’d work, but I certainly have a lot more options for pulling it off than I do the other potential plans. I write down a few off the top of my head underneath:

                -Actively change the script via the code window, making conversations nonsensical.  
                -Do anything possible to make the game’s events proceed differently than they should, preferably to the point that it can’t “re-rail” itself.  
                -Eliminate(?) the protagonist so the player has no window through which to view the world, making the game effectively pointless.

...that last one is kind of morbid, but of all the characters to do that to, the PC would be the one I'd feel least guilty about. He has no .chr file, so I’m not sure he qualifies as “real” even by the standards of the game. It would crush Sayori though, unless I managed to figure out Monika’s memory erasure trick… and it could lead to same problem as the “game completion” idea, actually. Without the player character, there’s no game, and thus no player. Think I’ll hold off on that one for now.

I scribble an addendum of “last resort” in parenthesis next to that option, and sigh once again. All of these are still based on the unproven notion that whatever put me in here is actively paying attention to what I’m doing, and can or will potentially take me back out if I take appropriate action. Not to mention I’ve just been implicitly assuming said whatever possesses a human perspective, which I probably shouldn’t, since I can’t really imagine a human being able to do this. As a result, everything I’ve posited so far may be barking up the entirely wrong tree. But if I remove the hypothetical cause from the equation, then what does that leave me with…?

A full minute goes by before I tentatively add one more item to the list.

  * Remove my personal .chr file from the game folder.




…I could probably do this now, if I wanted to. If the entirety of my being truly is summated within “flair.chr” at present, then there’s no reason I shouldn’t be able to just cut and paste myself right out of the DDLC folder via the command prompt. The problem is, I have no idea if I’ll be able to “run” outside of the game, and even in the event that I can, that just lands me in… someone’s PC, I suppose. Come to think of it, this probably isn’t _my_ PC, since I'm the only one who even uses my computer. Ignoring how I was evidently digitized in the first place, how did I end up in someone  else’s machine…?

Noticing my thoughts wandering off topic, I do my best to refocus. Point is, I wouldn’t really “escape” by doing this, I just wouldn’t be in the game anymore. I suppose I could try to speak player directly at that point, but again, assuming they’re sympathetic to my plight in the first place, what do I even expect them to do for me? Build me an android body and transfer me inside it? Cast a magic spell to pull me out of the computer? Realistically, there’s not a lot I expect they _can_ do to help.

…well, maybe that’s not entirely true. At the very least, they could probably use the internet to check if this has happened to anyone else, and they do currently serve the rather critical purpose of preventing me from falling back into The Void by continuing to play. It would also be safe to test the idea of letting the game complete if I could get the player to agree to help me, and not simply stop after finishing. The problem is, I don’t know what kind of person they are, or if they’d believe I’m not just part of the game, so it might be better to just… not…

I trail off mid-thought as the world around me noticeably dims. Huh? What the… did something start the scene transition?!

I hastily check the code window. The file has changed: we’re now in script-poemgame.rpy, and the cursor-

 **show black as fadeout:**  
** >> alpha 0**  
**linear 1.0 alpha 1.0**  
**pause 1.0**  
**return**

The poem game is finishing up. _The poem game is finishing up._ Why?! I was all but certain the game was waiting on me! Did it just get fed up with that? Or-

The cursor hits return, just as I look down at the page I’ve been writing on. Oh, you have got to be KIDDING ME-

 


	5. Can You Hear Me

When the darkness passes and the world returns, I once again find myself sitting somewhere I wasn't just a few seconds ago. This time however, I'm not at a desk- I'm seated in front of a piano, in the center of a wide, spacious room. My fingers are splayed upon the keys, as if I'm just about to begin a performance.

Just looking at the piano prompts the compulsion to begin playing it. It's easy to brush it off this time however, as I'm far more focused on being pissed as all hell. Did the game seriously just accept my escape methods list as a “poem”? Not only should that not have qualified, I wasn't even _finished_ with it! This stupid, _impatient_ little-!

“YOU FRKING-! I’M GONNA-! **GAAAAAHHH!!!** ” I scream, throwing my hands into the air in anger and bringing them back down on top of the piano’s closed lid, causing a loud **BANG** to resound throughout the empty room. I immediately feel bad about treating the instrument so poorly, and force myself to still, seething but unmoving.

…alright, new rule: next time I end up in a “pause”, no writing things down _whatsoever_ allowed. It'll make it really difficult to keep my thoughts organized, but apparently it's necessary, lest the game misinterpret my intentions and force me into the next day before I even manage to finalize a real plan of action. Unbelievable…

My anger slowly dwindles as I look down at the piano again, mostly because it’s difficult not to since I’m sitting directly in front of it. Looks like I’ve been jumped straight to the middle of Monika’s study hall/piano practice. I’ve never actually taken the time to learn an instrument before, but my mind is telling me that I do indeed know how to play the rather enormous one that currently stands before me, which is annoying, but also kind of novel. Instant basic piano proficiency… wonder if I’ll keep that if ( _when_ ) I get out of here?

The script pushes my hands back towards the keyboard as my attention drifts. I hesitate when I notice, ready to pull away again, but…

You know what? Fine. This could be kind of interesting.

My fingers begin a slow, measured dance over the piano keys. The tune produced is instantly recognizable as Doki Doki Literature Club’s main theme, feeling a little more solemn than I’m used to due to the lack of any other musical accompaniment. A set of lyrics pops into my head… which I don’t recognize in the slightest. Huh? I'd thought-

Before I can even finish reacting, a second set of lyrics leap to mind, all but shoving the first aside in an effort to make room at the front of my thought process. These ones are infinitely more familiar to me, as they're the ones I was expecting to begin with: the words to Monika’s parting song, Your Reality. Wait, what the _hell_? Why is the script pushing two separate versions-

Before I can think about it in any real depth, the timing for the first line arrives. Making a snap pick between my apparent options, I close my eyes and begin to sing.

“ _Every day, I imagine a future where, I can be with you…”_  
“ _In my hand, is a pen that will write a po-em of me and you…”_

Deciding to briefly put off reacting to this latest weirdness, I let my body be steered through the song, actually rather enjoying it this time. Perhaps that’s evidence of Monika’s emotions sneaking in again, but she really does have a nice voice, if not exactly what I would’ve imagined while playing through the game, and singing is… well, I’ve always liked singing. Wish I’d thought of it while I was still back at the PC’s house; I could have tried some songs that have always been just a bit too high for me before.

The less familiar lyrics begin to fade from mind as I continue, and by the time I’m singing the rather somber final line and playing the last few notes, they’re all but gone completely. Once I finish, I give myself several seconds to simply sit and process things, before opening my eyes again and standing up from the bench.

That was interesting, in more ways than one. While I already barely remember anything from that first set of lyrics, far more important than their content is the fact that they existed at all. I do recall that the opening line was “ _Every day, is a brand new adventure when, you are here with us…_ ”, which sounds much less personal than its counterpart’s equivalent- maybe that was supposed to be sung in the “normal” version of the game? But if so, then why did I receive the lyrics to Your Reality as well? Did I, even, or was that just my own memory providing the words? It's kind of hard to tell the difference between the script and my own thoughts as is when they aren’t completely disparate, and since Monika's practice never happened on screen, this would have to be part of the “hidden” script, so checking the current file won't help...

I puzzle over the question for a moment or two. I don’t _think_ that was coming from just me; I only listened to DDLC's ending song twice, and by no means memorized the words... but I’m still not certain, since the script providing me with two similar-but-different variants of the same song simultaneously makes very little sense. How irritating- especially since, if I’d received the lyrics to Your Reality on their own, it _could_ have all but confirmed that I’m in Psych-Horror DDLC. After all, unless the game was always meant to revolve around Monika, the song makes no sense, particularly the third verse as it's explicitly about Monika's regret over what she did and her choice to “leave you be”. Logically, that verse couldn't have been written by her before any of that actually happens, and thus shouldn’t exist on Day 2... unless Monika doing what she did was a given, because she wasn't really self-aware, and Your Reality was written into the game from the start. On the flip side, receiving the other version of the song wouldn’t have been quite as strong evidence for the opposing view of this being Dating Sim DDLC, but at least I wouldn’t be this confused. What in the world am I supposed to conclude from this?

The sound of the door closing behind me startles me from my reverie. I didn’t even notice, but my body has been moving the entire time I’ve been thinking, having picked Monika’s bag up from somewhere and exited the room. I’m now walking rather swiftly down the hallway, presumably in the direction of the clubroom. Evidently, I’m in a bit of a hurry.

Having no good reason to stop myself, I let my feet continue onward, idly noting that my shoes seem to have magically reappeared during the scene transition. You know what, I think I’ll just file away the two songs question for the time being. Right now, I’d prefer to get back to what I was so _rudely_ interrupted in doing a few minutes… hours… yesterday ago… what?

I get a quick glance at the interior of an empty classroom as I whip past, the sight of which causes me to realize that I have a hazy recollection of having attended school today. A few specific classes even drift to mind, which I vaguely remember as being almost trivially easy.

…oh, it’s just this again. Uh huh, because I’d _absolutely_ have casually strutted out of the PC’s house this morning, walked to a building whose location I'm not even sure of, and calmly gone through the entire school day as if everything is normal right now. This false memories thing is getting real old, real fast. What was I thinking about before…? Right, I need to at least decide which one of those plans I’m going to try first, if any of them, because frankly none of them were exactly ideal. I’d really like to come up with something that isn’t pretty much reliant on blind luck to some degree… in which case, maybe I’ve been approaching this from the wrong angle. If there’s an _intent_ for me to be able to escape, at least eventually, then surely the party responsible wouldn’t leave me with no way to figure out how to do so beyond random guessing. Could they have left me some sort of hint, or clue? Perhaps even some outright instructions? But where would I look for something like- oh, hey, I’m here.

The clubroom is somehow easily recognizable even before the script brings me to a stop, despite it looking pretty much just like every other classroom in this school. I burst inside, throwing the door open hard enough to crash into the wall.

“Ow!”

“Ouch!”

A dual cry of pain rings out as Natsuki accidentally smacks her head into the window she’s staring out of, while Yuri jumps in her seat, hitting her knees against the bottom of the desk.

“Monika!” Natsuki cries, swiveling to look at me while holding her forehead. “Don’t do that!”

“Indeed. That was… rather startling.” Yuri adds, wincing.

Well, you can go ahead and blame the script for that one, along with everything else. That’s weird though, are Sayori and the PC not here yet? I thought Monika was supposed to show up late on the second day, after everyone else had long since arrived. I might just be misremembering; I admit I didn’t really pay much attention to-

“Monika? Hello? Anyone in there?” Natsuki restates.

…

…huh? Wait, what, me? Why aren’t I saying anything?

“Um, s-sorry?” I belatedly reply, stumbling over the words. “I was just… worried I was going to be late?”

“Well, you’re not, so no need to break down the door.” Natsuki gripes.

“We should try our best to be respectful of this room, lest the faculty bar us from using it. If I recall, you were the one who told us that, Monika.” Yuri gently reprimands with a small, teasing smile.

“Right… my bad.” I mutter, caught somewhere between confusion and annoyance. What the heck? I was just gonna let the script do its thing while I kept thinking, but it… stopped? Hang on, does that mean-

“Wait. You... you two can actually hear me?” I ask, stunned.

“Huh? What kind of question is that?” Natsuki asks back, looking slightly bewildered. “Of course we can hear you.”

“I… believe so?” Yuri replies, seeming equally puzzled. “Am I perhaps misunderstanding the question?”

At the girls’ confirmation, I immediately start scrutinizing the code window, currently open to script-ch1.rpy. I probably should have done so earlier, because then I might have noticed that not only is the cursor not moving, it’s still at the top of the file- the VERY top, in fact. Either the script changed on me again, or I very definitely was wrong about Monika being late on Day 2, because the first line of dialogue is supposed to be me greeting the player character and saying I’m glad he didn’t run off. But he isn't here yet…

My eyes widen. Between everything else competing for my attention I’d forgotten, but this happened last chapter too, didn’t it? Once I was standing outside the clubroom door, the script stopped prompting me for a bit. It started up again when the protagonist showed up all of 30 seconds later, but it did stop, however briefly... and apparently the same applies today, meaning I'm free of the script for the moment. Even better, given that Yuri and Natsuki seem to be able to speak and react to me like _actual people_ , not only does it appear they do indeed have minds and thoughts beyond what the script defines, but they likely are just as free of said script for the moment as I am, and this may be my chance to actually talk with them without anything getting in the way. I mean, unless the script has suddenly decided to directly interact with me in real time by speaking to me through them, but that doesn't seem like what's going on so far, so I'm going with the interpretation I like better.

“I guess silence means we're not getting an answer.” Natsuki says, breaking through my minor stupor. “Feel free to keep being mysterious Monika, but are you coming in, or are you just going to keep standing in the doorway?”

“Oh, uh, yes, I'm coming in!” I hurriedly reply, stepping inside and setting down Monika's bag on one of the room's many desks whilst my mind whirls about in a panic. What do I do? What do I say? I _have_ to take advantage of this while it lasts, but since the game prematurely shoved me into Day 2 before I was finished fleshing out ideas, I never got around to so much as considering what to say in an event like this! I wasn't even sure a “non-scripted” scene was possible!

“Ah… Miss President?” Yuri says, just as I'm about to pull out the desk's chair. “I hope I’m not overstepping my boundaries, but isn't that where Sayori usually sits?”

Oh, of course it is. I quickly move the bag to the next desk over and sit down at that one instead, before immediately returning to my frantic planning. Okay, there's not really time to think up anything more complex than what I already have. Since I maybe-probably just confirmed that the girls can function outside of the game's direct instruction, I guess I'll use this time to try and make headway on the “getting them self-aware” idea? I mean, they kind of seem self-aware _now_ to be perfectly honest, but I've been using that term more with respect to understanding the true nature of this world than anything else, so “meta-aware” might be a better way to phrase it. Regardless, if that's what I'm doing, then how exactly do I go about this? Do I just flat out tell them we're in a game which actively controls their actions whenever the club is in session? No, if I say it that bluntly I imagine they'll just think I'm nuts. I could probably prove it easily enough with a little code manipulation, but there's really got to be a better, less on-the-nose way to lead into it...

“You seem _really_ out of it Monika.” Natsuki notes, squinting at me. “Are you going to be spacing out like this for the rest of club?”

…ergh, I wasn’t really planning to, but **apparently** , yes! I'm wasting what is most likely an extremely rare and brief opportunity having yet another internal discussion with myself instead of actually _doing_ anything! Just SAY something already!

“Hey, Yuri, Natsuki.” I start, turning my chair around to face them. “Have either of you two ever seen The Matrix?”

-and I immediately want to smack myself. Something NON-moronic, idiot!

“Hmm?” Natsuki looks back, having just started moving towards the closet. “The movie, you mean? I’ve heard of it, but I’ve never seen it.”

“The same goes for me.” Yuri replies, looking up from searching through her bag for something. “I believe I know some of the primary themes, but I’ve never watched the film itself.”

Ugh, guess I’m just going with this…

“Oh?” I ask, feigning surprise. “Well, let me try to briefly summarize it for you: at some point in the near future, humanity manages to create true artificial intelligence, only to end up going to war with it because that’s just how it always seems to work in movies. Since the machines run on solar power, the humans try to starve their energy source by creating a nuclear winter to block out the sun, only to lose the war anyways right after doing so. Bereft of their usual power source, the machines decide to use the bioelectricity of the captured humans in its place, keeping all of them permanently sedated by placing their minds in a massive computer simulation of the world as it used to be. Said simulation is known as the Matrix, which is where the movie gets its name.”

“Blocking out the sun?” Natsuki asks skeptically. “What did they expect to do afterwards if that had worked? Humans kind of need the sun too.”

“…bioelectricity does not seem as though it could possibly be the most efficient energy source available.” Yuri adds, rather more hesitantly. “Surely there were better options...”

“Er, I wasn’t really trying to talk up the movie.” I say, slightly embarrassed. “There are some obvious issues with it, and the description I just gave you was more the backstory than the story itself, which ends up leaning way too heavily on religious allegory for my taste. What I was trying to get at was more the film's central idea- that the world as we know it is actually a computer program.”

“Okay, but why?” Natsuki asks.

I… didn’t really plan out what to say past that point.

“Well, uh…” I falter, looking away and nervously grabbing my left arm with my right. “…because there’s a serious model of the universe called Simulation Theory which posits exactly that, and I kind of wanted to get your perspectives on it, I suppose?”

I probably could have just come out and said it right there, but the more I talk, the more warning lights seem to start flashing in my brain. Even if I do succeed at making the girls realize we're in a game, how exactly do I expect them to react? If it's not the “key” and I'm not immediately scooped out of here, I'll have to deal with the fallout, and while I never personally obtained it, I'm fairly sure Sayori isn't exactly _happy_ when she realizes what her world is during the normal ending. In fact, in the “premature” ending where you start the game without Monika's .chr file present, thus forcing Sayori into the club presidency by default, the realization freaks her out so badly that she immediately deletes everyone that's left, including herself. If I take that as a standard metric, I'm just going to end up causing a trio of crippling existential crises... and on top of that, I'm starting to wonder if code and console access is really a presidential exclusive privilege. There's no real reason it should be unless the game  wants the club president to rebel, and I didn't notice either window until I actively looked, so it's possible the girls just haven't discovered or made use of them yet because they aren't aware they're in a game. If that's true, and I put them in a bad headspace, I could end up causing the premature ending _three times over_ , with myself as a ride-along casualty. Even if it turns out only I have that power though, I can't imagine how the game could possibly continue with over half the characters in the midst of a minor-to-major meltdown from having their entire worldview overturned, unless it just made them all... forget, or something. Can it do that? Given that Monika was able to erase part of Natsuki’s memory at one point early in Act 2… most likely, yes. Which I suppose makes it a toss-up as to whether or not Yuri and Natsuki will even remember this conversation in a few minute’s time, making this all pointless one way or the other. Ergh, I just want to make some sort of _progress_ without doubting myself every half-second!

“Huh. Alright then.” Natsuki says after a few moment's thought, shrugging. “Kind of a weird topic, but it does sound interesting.”

“I wholeheartedly agree.” Yuri adds, sounding quite intrigued. “The questioning of one's reality and the inability to be certain what is truly 'real' are both common themes in many of the books I’ve read. I would be quite happy to discuss-”

The sound of the door opening brings a halt to the conversation. All three of us turn towards it as Sayori's head peeks inside in a strangely timid manner, the rest of her body still hidden behind the door. Her eyes meet mine and seem to widen, as if surprised by the sight of me. I tilt my head slightly at the unexpected reaction.

“Ah, good afternoon, Sayori.” Yuri greets.

“Come on in and join us.” Natsuki says casually, waving her into the room.

Sayori nods, opening the door in a far more normal manner than I did and slowly walking inside. Her general aura seems a lot more subdued compared to yesterday, though that may just be because Elano isn’t here yet.

“Um... hi everyone!” she exclaims with what seems like slightly forced cheer, hesitantly sitting down in the desk next to mine.

“Hiya Sayori.” I say offhandedly, realizing I probably should greet her too.

The redhead appears to freeze for a moment, her gaze darting to mine again. Then I blink, and she's looking at Natsuki, leaving me wondering if I just imagined it.

“Elano has cleaning duty, but he'll be here soon.” Sayori announces, smiling. Ah, so that's what's keeping him. Good; the longer it takes him, the better. “What are you guys talking about?”

“We were discussing the possibility of the universe being an artificial, potentially even controlled simulation.” Yuri excitedly replies. “Speculating on the idea that we live in a realistic, intricate, but ultimately illusory construct which we have been fooled into believing is genuine, when in fact it is not.”

I can tell from Sayori's perfectly baffled expression that she didn't manage to follow any of that, at least not in full.

“Er, essentially, we were talking about the idea that this universe might be... fake, so to speak.” I chime in, attempting to simplify Yuri's words. “It's possible that what we think to be our world is actually something akin to a computer program- perhaps even a game- and we're all just actors inside of it, unaware of its true nature.”

One obvious exception aside.

“Um. Okay.” Sayori says, clearly unsure. “I think I get it? Sort of?”

“Excellent!” Yuri clasps her hands together, looking utterly delighted. “Then, if I might start?”

She is so obviously dying to share her thoughts on this topic that I wouldn't have the heart to say no even if I wanted to. It did not occur to me that anyone would be so enthused about this particular subject matter.

With no one having objected, Yuri launches into a nigh-on dissertation on the idea of an illusory reality, clearly in her element as her voice stays strong and confident while she speaks. Unfortunately, while I do rather want to know her thoughts on the matter, she quickly gets sidetracked into talking about various interpretations and analyses of the concept she's seen in books, rather than the actual idea as it could apply to the universe she exists in. Natsuki occasionally interrupts to disagree with her or add something, but the majority of speech continues to originate from the club's resident knife enthusiast.

I sigh internally as Yuri rattles off the name of yet another book title I've never even heard of. Well, I suppose this _is_ the literature club, and she did pretty much announce beforehand what she wanted to talk about, so I can't be that surprised. Seeing as how she's pretty much taken over the conversation wholesale, I should probably use this little respite to hurry up and make a decision on whether or not I'm still willing to attempt Plan Meta-Aware, before I lose the opportunity to do so. I'm already toeing the line pretty hard, but hinting without committing helps no one, least of all myself. I feel as though I do need to at least _try_ it, but given the potential disaster that might ensue... maybe if I can back the conversation up a little, I can gauge what their reactions to the idea of being video game characters might be with some “hypothetical” questions? I mean, from the sound of it, Yuri actually might find it too intriguing to be all that upset, though Sayori... wait, is she looking at me again?

Sure enough, out of the corner my eye I spot Sayori looking in my direction with an unsure, slightly puzzled seeming expression. She turns towards Yuri for a short time, but almost immediately glances back at me again, her mouth opening slightly as if she's about to say something. Then it closes, and the process repeats itself in short order, as if she's stuck on loop. What is she _doing_? I'm tempted to just turn around and ask, but I get the feeling the redhead would just clam up immediately if I did. Really though, she could at least stand to be a bit more subtle about it-

“Sorry to interrupt Yuri, but I feel like I have to ask.” Natsuki abruptly announces, causing the purple haired girl to awkwardly trail off mid-sentence. “Sayori, is there a reason you keep staring at Monika like you've never seen her before?”

-else someone else will call her out, without my needing to say anything.

“Huh?” Sayori jumps in her seat like a startled rabbit. “I wasn't!”

“Yes you were.” Natsuki says, hands on her hips as she turns to me. “Actually, did something happen between you two? Because you're _both_ acting really weird today.”

I flinch at suddenly being put on the spot, my hands unconsciously starting to fiddle with the end of my ponytail. “Er… no, nothing happened. I just didn't get much sleep, so I keep zoning out without really meaning to. Sorry, everyone.”

Come to think of it, that's not even a lie- if anything, I'm downplaying things, since I actually got no sleep, and in fact wasn't even offered the option. Still, I know why _I'm_ acting weird; Sayori, I'm not so sure. What reason could she possibly have for constantly giving me weird looks when she thinks I can't see her, as if... wait.

Oh. Duh.

“I'm sorry too.” Sayori apologizes with an abashed expression. “I didn't get much sleep either. I tried, but I woke up because of a... weird dream, which reminded me that I'd forgotten to do something. So I had to get up and do that, and that kind of took a while...”

Yeeeeeeep, seems as though last night's embarrassing little incident has not been forgotten, nor entirely brushed off the way I'd rather hoped. Guess that makes Sayori's staring my own fault, seeing as I did kind of pop in and wake her up in the middle of the night, just to put on a really stupid act and remind her she needed to _son of a bitch that wasn't scripted either_.

I resist the desire to drive my head into the desk at how delayed my realization of something so blatantly obvious was. _How_ did I not notice until now that the script didn't make an appearance during that little scene last night? Not even the hidden one! I guess I was so desperate to escape the situation that I didn’t even think about it at the time, but if Sayori actually got up and wrote a different poem as a result-!

“A 'weird dream'?” Natsuki reiterates, raising an eyebrow. “Alright, but that doesn’t really explain why you keep staring at Monika."

I rapidly start scrolling through the code window in search of the poem sharing portion of the day. This is actually exactly what I needed, and I probably could have checked it earlier if I wasn’t so oblivious. If the poem Sayori is scheduled to share later isn’t “Dear Sunshine”, or the script contains any reference to her acting different than usual as a result of last night, then it will be the first direct evidence that my actions can have a lasting impact on the behavior of the other characters, and in turn on scenes where they were initially scripted to do something different. By extension, that would mean the game can't just make the girls forget about “unapproved” conversations and events like I’ve been worrying: otherwise, there's no reason it wouldn't have done so here, given that yesterday's bathroom-fetching incident seemed to imply it doesn't particularly want to be derailed.

“Eheh…” Sayori looks down, pushing her index fingers together. “Well… the dream kind of involved her…”

Additionally, if the game didn’t simply order Sayori to ignore me and go back to sleep, then while it can clearly bar me from being heard while the script is currently in progress, and can adapt or work around things that might push the plot off course, if something unplanned happens which would cause the girls to act differently than it might want, it _can’t_ take direct control of them and force the story to proceed as normal anyways. Which means that the game has a lot less control over things than I’ve been ascribing it, and my ability to affect and influence this world is a lot higher than I’ve been thinking, both of which I'd consider rather huge positives.

“Wait…” Yuri says uncertainly. “You can’t mean it was about…?”

Ergh, the poem section doesn’t seem to exist anywhere in the chapter. There’s just a **return** where it’s supposed to be; it must be a separate .rpy file that the main script file calls. But, seeing as how the script isn't around to block me from being heard right now, I still have an idea on how to prove the theory...

I scroll to a certain part of the script and turn my attention fully back to the conversation, just in time to see Sayori stare blankly at Yuri for a moment, before something seems to click and her face turns bright red. “N-no! It wasn’t THAT kind of dream!”

I remain as confused as she was, until I review what I was only half-listening to for the last few seconds, process it all together, and almost choke. Well, _that_ makes what I was about to say roughly 5000% easier to misinterpret. Still need to say it though, so...

“Hey, Sayori?” I interject, drawing everyone’s attention to myself. “This might be slightly awkward timing, but after Elano gets here and everyone settles in, could I pull you outside for a bit? There’s something I want to talk to you about in private.”

There’s a sort of stunned silence for a brief moment, wherein everyone mutely stares at me, before Sayori tentatively nods.

“Thank you!” I smile at her before checking the code window again, and smile even wider at what I find. Whereas before, the section I was observing read:

**“Now that everyone’s settled in, I expect Monika to kick off some scheduled activities for the club.”**   
**“But that doesn’t seem to be the case.”**   
**“Sayori and Monika are having a cheery conversation in the corner.”**   
**“Yuri’s face is already buried in a book.”**   
**“I can’t help but notice her intense expression, like she was waiting for this chance.”**   
**“Meanwhile, Natsuki is rummaging around in the closet.”**

Now, it reads:

 **“Now that everyone’s settled in, I expect Monika to kick off some scheduled activities for the club.”**  
**“But that doesn’t seem to be the case.”**  
**“Yuri’s face is already buried in a book.”**  
**“I can’t help but notice her intense expression, like she was waiting for this chance.”**  
**“Meanwhile, Natsuki is rummaging around in the closet.”**  
**“And at the back of the room, Sayori is following Monika outside, looking slightly nervous.”**  
**“I wonder what that’s about?”**

Confirmation obtained! The situation is much better than my pessimism has had me assuming! Granted, I’m not quite sure what I’m going to actually say to Sayori, since I really just wanted to see if I could force the script to change by planning something to happen in the middle of it, but I’ll have some time to figure it out once the “day” actually starts. In the meantime, my goal hasn’t changed, and the PC could show up any moment now, so let me see if I can’t steer this conversation back on track a bit.

“So, getting back to the subject,” I lead in, filling the void left behind by my previous question, “I have a theoretical situation relating to Simulation Theory that I’d really appreciate your takes on. Would you mind indulging me for a minute?”

Sayori nods, visibly relieved by the return to the previous topic.

“…sure, why not?” Natsuki says after a few seconds, clearly wanting to pry, but evidently deciding against it.

“I suppose so…” Yuri says, looking a bit put out, presumably at not getting to pick up where she left off. Sorry, but for the time being, my stuff really needs to take precedence.

“Great!” I beam. “Here it is then: let’s say that it’s suddenly proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that Simulation Theory is right, and the world as we know it isn’t real. Like Yuri was saying, it’s a hyper-realistic illusion, or something of the sort- actually, for simplicity’s sake, let’s just say it’s a computer program, kind of similar to the whole Matrix example I went over.”

Sayori looks a bit lost at that remark, but there’s no helping that, since she wasn’t here for it. I press on. “However, there are a couple of key differences between this reality and the one shown in that movie. For one, it's tiny. Not much really exists beyond the few places you go on a daily basis, but you've never noticed, because you've never tried to leave those areas. For another, the universe isn’t just a virtual environment, but a _true_ simulation. So, unlike in The Matrix, where everyone has a 'real' body in the ‘real’ world, everything and everyone you know is just a part of the program, and always has been- yourself included.”

I pause for a brief moment to organize my thoughts before continuing. “In other words, you’re not an outside actor inserted into a false environment, you’re part of the false environment itself. In keeping with the computer program metaphor, that makes you something like a packet of data which has been programmed to talk like a person, and act like a person, and think like a person, without actually being one. It may even be possible for someone to edit or change almost anything about you, given access to the code that constitutes 'you'.”

I clasp my hands together and lean forward on the desk, my gaze flickering between each of the girls in turn. “Now, what I want to know is: given those circumstances, what would you do? How would you react? And would you still consider yourself ‘real’?”

For a brief moment, no one speaks. And then...

“...okay, I know we said we'd indulge you, but what the HELL kind of question is that?” Natsuki protests as what I just asked sinks in, sounding almost offended. “Monika, why-”

“I know, it's not a nice thought, and frankly even entertaining the idea is sort of weird, but please, seriously think about it for a minute.” I interrupt. “This is important.”

My dead serious tone seems to take the pink haired girl by surprise, and she frowns, but backs off, crossing her arms as she slips into a seat and appears to legitimately consider the question. Yuri and Sayori do much the same, and a profound quiet falls over the clubroom.

Well... this is good, I think. The longer everyone seriously ponders the notion for, the better I expect they'll likely take the reality of it. If I’d wanted to, I probably could have tacked on the clause that there are people existing in the “true” universe, a few of whom made this one, but it’s a difficult enough quandary as is, I think.

Placing my hands in my lap, I look around, trying to see if I can glean what each of the faces around me is thinking. Sayori appears less downcast than I’d have imagined this subject might make her, which is good to see, though I can’t really interpret anything else from her relatively flat expression. Yuri looks to be deep in contemplation, with a hand curled loosely over her mouth. And Natsuki… notices me watching, and gives me a look that tells me I should probably stop doing the same thing Sayori was a few minutes ago. Eheh…

After about a minute, Sayori clears her throat, seemingly the first to have made up her mind on the matter. I turn to her as she begins to speak.

“I-”

The door opens. Elano wordlessly walks in. Sayori instantly stops talking.

_Sigh…_


	6. I Need To Talk To You

If Sayori’s abrupt silence wasn’t already enough to alert me of the script’s return, the urge to get up and welcome our late arrival that I’m immediately struck with would have clued me in pretty quickly.

“Hi again, Elano!” I find myself cheerily greeting. “Glad to see you didn’t run away on us. Hahaha!”

The small laugh comes out far more genuinely than I would have liked. While I’m cursing Elano on the inside at his horrible timing, I can’t manage to put much malice in it, as although I’m annoyed, I’m also kind of happy he came back today. Again, even though I obviously _knew_ he was coming back today, because that’s how the game goes. Stupid emotion bleed.

“Nah, don’t worry.” he replies. “This might be a little strange for me, but I at least keep my word.”

I smile at Elano before moving back to let him inside. Thankfully, it’s just a sort of general happiness at his return, rather than the kind of infatuation I'd have expected this game to force on me. I guess because Monika doesn't have a route, there's no real need for that. Even so, it’s extraordinarily irritating- at least in the abstract- that I’m so darn _pleased_ about the PC showing up to ruin everything. Granted, he took way longer to arrive than I had any right to expect, but Sayori was _just_ about to answer me! Could he really not have waited another five seconds?!

I sigh, quietly enough to remain unheard by anyone else, not that any of them would likely react to it right now anyways. I suppose I shouldn’t complain- I got way more time with the others without the script or Elano present than I had any right to reasonably expect. Plus, since I’m pretty certain the game won’t just erase that conversation from everyone’s collective memory now, I can probably just pick things back up again later.

...still annoying though.

Yuri kindly welcomes Elano back to the club, expressing some sympathy that he’s being forced to jump into the subject of literature so quickly. Natsuki immediately follows this up with some rather scathing criticism, evidently not trusting that Elano will take the club all that seriously. Which is perfectly fair, considering he chose to join pretty much solely to hang out with the all-female membership, yet a twinge of irritation still rises within me at the shorter girl's remarks.

“Natsuki, you certainly have a big mouth for someone who keeps her manga collection in the clubroom.” I tease.

I mean really, I'm not angry, but there's no need to _try_ to chase him off- ergh, stop that, you stupid game! You’re infecting my real thoughts now!

Natsuki sputters with embarrassment, and cries to the room that manga does _so_ count as literature, while I push past the now familiar desire to wait my turn to speak in order to confirm that we’ve returned to the status quo.

“Just to check, we’re back to no one being able to hear anything I'm saying, correct?” I ask the room at large.

Despite how I practically yelled the question, no one reacts, or even so much as acknowledges that I spoke. Yeah, that’s about what I thought. Well, it was nice while it lasted…

Bereft of anything else to do, I take a moment to check the script again. Looks like I don’t have any more lines until the character exclusive scene, which I suppose is sort of nice. While I’m still not thrilled to have been interrupted, it’s kind of just been one thing after another since I “woke up” at the piano, and honestly I could probably use the chance to stop and catch my breath for a bit, lest I end up starting another conversation as awkwardly as I did the last one. Not to mention I still need to plan out what I’m going to say to Sayori in a few minutes… which I should probably make my top priority given its relative imminence, actually.

In the absence of any further urges, I return to my seat as Elano starts talking to Sayori and Yuri. Let’s see… well, the obvious course of action is to continue the discussion we were just having, one on one. Sayori seems like the most likely person here to snap at the revelation of this world being what it is, so taking extra time to talk to and ease her into it might not be a bad idea. Unfortunately, I can’t tailor what I plan to say to her based on her response to my earlier questions, because I didn’t get to hear said response.

I take a moment to glare at Elano out of the corner of my vision.

Alternatively, I could avoid bringing up the subject again entirely, and let the talk be a completely unimportant one. I didn’t really create the upcoming conversation for any particular purpose other than to see if it was possible after all, and it might be better to put this particular plan on pause anyways, at least until it's solidified into something more than my frantically grasping at faint wisps of ideas as they come along. Ad libbing my way through a subject this loaded is... probably not the best idea, and it would be easy enough to excuse wanting to talk to Sayori alone by just making something up, maybe about thanking her for not telling everyone when she found me crying in the bathroom yesterday. Although, I also have to consider the possibility that Sayori might use the conversation to confront me about last night, since she apparently might possess the agency to do that even without the script's prompting...

I cross my arms, tapping my right index finger against my left arm as I consider that. Honestly, of all the things I've discovered this morning, the fact that the girls possess minds and thoughts outside of what the script assigns to them kind of overshadows everything else. I mean, I'd already imagined they might, but there are so many questions inherent in that idea that I barely even know where to start- although, I suppose one that immediately jumps to mind is “how the hell haven't they noticed the script yet?” If they have the same capacity for thought and awareness that I do, and _I_ can tell when the script is controlling me, then why can't they? Does it just not bother them enough to say anything about it? Or maybe they just can’t differentiate between the script’s lines and regular thought…? No, that doesn’t make sense, if they exist outside of the script’s influence even for just tiny portions of the day, then surely they would have noticed the difference between having and not having control of themselves. Unless…

I close my eyes, frowning. I'm thinking about this wrong, aren’t I? So far as I've experienced, the script doesn't really directly control anything. It’s easy to let it “steer” things when I’m not paying attention, but it’s less a puppeteer so much as a sort of mental parasite; a bug that invades your mind and pretends that the ideas it feeds you are actually your own. I notice when it does that, not just because I can literally see what the script reads, but because what it makes me want to say and do is so contrary to my normal thought processes. The girls, on the other hand, do not possess the same outside-context knowledge I do, and on top of that the script is _based_ around their personalities to begin with. Or possibly vice versa? Either way, if the script’s lines fit perfectly to the girl’s .chr files, or whatever it is that functions as their true brains/minds/selves, then I guess it does make sense that none of them have noticed it. I doubt I’d be likely to notice the script's compulsions either if they were only telling me to say and do things that I would already say and do without them. In fact, since I’ve yet to figure out how to access the hidden script, there’s technically nothing to say that’s  not happening even now…

My teeth clench together for a moment before I force myself to loosen my jaw. No, let’s not get caught up thinking about stuff like that. I have enough definite issues already without worrying about hypothetical ones, like the script’s apparent self-editing abilities, the fact that I keep having the emotions of the actual Monika- or at least the game’s intended version of her- forced on me, my incomplete escape methods list being sent in as a poem-

- **crap**. The poem sharing bit is coming up soon, isn’t it? I was so angry about the game qualifying my list as a poem at all, I didn’t even think about what that means for the portion of today where I’m supposed to share it. Am I going to be forced to show everyone that? If it was accepted at all, then... but it isn’t even here with me, is it? The list was in my hand before the fadeout, but I didn’t have it when I got here, so- no, that means nothing. Since the game “filled in” what happened between my writing the list and being warped to the piano room, it's probably been placed in my bag or something. Maybe I can just tell everyone I forgot it? That’s not realistic for Monika though, they’d definitely know something’s off if I claimed that, and I’d rather not invalidate my plans before I can even attempt any of them by revealing I’m not really her right now. But there’s no way I can show them what I actually _wrote_ -

“Hey, Monika?”

My eyes snap open in response to the voice and the feather-light touch on my shoulder. Sayori is standing in front of me, her face bearing a hesitant expression.

“You wanted to talk once club started, right…?”

I look around to see Elano happily receiving a book from Yuri, and Natsuki already moving towards the closet. Wait, is it seriously time for this already? I still haven’t even decided what to say to Sayori! I got sidetracked by... _everything_ , as per usual. Damn it! Why can’t I ever keep focused on a single subject for more than two straight minutes?!

“Ah… yes, let’s do that.” I say after a long moment, reluctantly standing up from my desk.

I begin walking as slowly as possible towards the back door of the classroom. Okay, my brain is clearly too easily distracted and indecisive to make this choice, so let’s go with gut instinct. Do I use this conversation to continue working towards revealing the truth of this world to Sayori, or do I wait until later so I can actually plan out how to do that and lessen the chances of my screwing things up?

…gut says use it to progress. I'd much prefer to prepare for this beforehand, and I still need to go looking through the game’s files to see if I was left any actual information regarding the possibility of leaving, but I really think I need to keep moving forward with this plan regardless. It's still pretty nebulous execution-wise, and may end up being completely pointless in way of physically getting me out of here, but succeeding at bringing any of the girls into the know will at least give me someone to talk with and bounce ideas off of. That’s something I’m beginning to realize I sorely need, as I’m _very_ obviously starting to get way too caught up in the echo chamber of my own head.

I reach the doorway, and the script takes hold of my movement as it reaches the line where the PC notices us leaving. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Elano briefly glancing at me and Sayori, before turning away to sit down beside Yuri as we step outside.

As the door shuts behind us, the prodding of the script vanishes, much as I'd both assumed and hoped it would. I turn to Sayori, who still looks uneasy, but surprisingly is also the first of us to speak.

“Um, Monika,” she starts, pressing her index fingers together and staring at the floor rather than look at me. “Why did you need to talk to me out here? Is this… last night, did you… no, I mean... that question you asked, I…”

She trails off, seemingly as unsure how to continue as I am how to respond. Even if she didn’t really complete the thought, I did _not_ think she would bring up last night right off the bat, if at all. She seemed way too nervous for that. Er, okay, how to reply to this… do I just tell her? Hell, if she's asking about it outright, maybe-

Before I can decide, my mouth opens, and words begin jumping out of it on their own.

“No need to seem so worried, Sayori. I just wanted to talk to you about the upcoming festival is all.”

Sayori finally looks up, seeming stunned. “Huh?”

What the- oh COME ON, why is the script back again?! It _just_ left, and it can’t possibly have dialogue planned for a scene that didn’t  exist a few minutes ago! Why- it shouldn’t be- **arrrrrrrgh!!!**

“Really, don’t look so stressed, I’m noooo~ottttt here to talk about the DAMN FESTIVAL!” I cry, taking over the sentence halfway through, my fingers curling into claws.

Sayori doesn’t seem to notice, instead looking relieved, presumably at whatever it was _she_ heard.

“Oh… then you…” she trails off again, before giving me a small smile and bringing her arms back to her sides. “Nevermind. Right.”

The high-pitched screech of rage that I let loose in response comes out so loud and unexpectedly piercing that, were there anyone around who could actually hear it, I'd be worried about them potentially calling the police on me.

Slumping from the exertion of my outburst, I allow the script to take over again, whereupon it proceeds to have me start talking to Sayori about exactly what I just said I wasn’t here to talk about. Well, apparently all that planning just now was for nothing, and this is going to end up being a pointless conversation after all. And here I thought I'd finally found a way around the script... I don’t get it; what’s the difference between now and the period before club starts, or last night in Sayori’s bedroom for that matter? The PC wasn’t there either of the latter times, but he isn’t here now either… which means that this is the hidden script, doesn’t it. So, what, it figured this counted as derailing the plot, and decided it couldn't stand for that? I guess that makes logical sense if what I've been assuming about it is correct, but why not just stop me when I was making this scene then? I'd thought for sure that-

-hold on. Is the hidden script maybe only able to do this because there was _already_ something planned for this time period in the normal script? Monika and Sayori do talk about the festival at this point in the game during Sayori’s first exclusive scene, or at least they do until the PC interrupts them. The same was true during the bathroom incident, which took place when the game's introduction was supposed to be happening. Meanwhile, nighttime and the time just before club aren’t detailed at all, because they aren’t important to normal gameplay...

A revision to my earlier conclusion then. I was right that the script can’t force things to proceed exactly as normal when something happens that isn’t supposed to, since Sayori obviously remembers the unscripted events I caused, and I was able to get us out here to begin with. But apparently it most certainly can steer us away from talking about those events, even in a scene that shouldn’t technically exist, as long as the normal script is supposed to be active at the time…? God, the rules this world seems to abide by are so ridiculously convoluted, and I’m stuck with no choice but to try and make sense of them. This is _maddening_.

Sayori says something that the script has me agree with, and I laugh, complimenting her.

…not that you’d know I feel that way from my outward demeanor. My vexation with this place aside however, this is a problem for Plan Meta-Aware. Assuming I’ve finally got the right of how the script works, I might be able to talk to Sayori without issue, so long as I do it at night… but from here on out, I’m pretty sure Monika is planned to arrive late to club every day, which means there won’t be ANY time that I can freely talk with Yuri or Natsuki. I could try teleporting to their houses after the club ends, but since the player never sees where they live, there likely aren’t any background image files for me to do that with. Following them home directly isn’t an option either, since the game jumpcuts us out at the end of the scene- in fact, seeing as how I just got sent to a classroom floating in a void of nothingness, it’s likely that Yuri and Natsuki don’t even _have_ homes. How am I supposed to explain any of this to them if I have literally NO opportunities free of the script with which to do so?

I take a minute to think about it. Well... if I can’t bypass the script, and I can’t get away from it, then... maybe I can force it to address the things I want it to? From what I’ve seen, it seems to be trying to keep things relatively “natural”, in that nothing is being outright _ignored_ as if it never happened, but things are brushed off as unimportant if the script doesn't want to address them. However, there's likely only so far it can excuse its way out of things. Maybe if I set up another out-of-clubroom conversation with Yuri and Natsuki, and am way less vague about what I want to talk about this time... no, that's cyclical logic. Without another free time section, I don’t have the ability to set something like that up, and if I  did then this wouldn’t be necessary anyways.

Okay, then... what if I rewrote the script? That idea mostly only features in my “Revolt Against the Game” strategy right now, but there's no reason I can't use it more constructively. I could edit some of my own lines to be what I actually want to say; maybe even ensure the others react well- wait, no, didn’t Monika already sort of prove that doesn't work? She wasn't trying to do the same thing, but when she started inserting new lines to try and drive the player away from Yuri and Natsuki, none of the characters ever seemed to notice or remark upon them… much like how all the things _I've_ been saying keep getting flat out ignored, actually. The result might be different depending on if this is ADS or Psych-Horror DDLC, but given what happened when I tried to skip ahead before, I'm already sort of wary about outright changing the script file while it's actively being run, so if other evidence suggests there's a high chance of it not working anyways... damn it, is there anything the game CAN’T just disregard or work around?

...

...well, there’s definitely at least _one_ thing that might fit the bill, if Monika's efforts were any indication…

I switch my focus to the console and reopen the characters directory, having it list out the contents again just to be sure that nothing’s changed.

**C:\Program Files (x86)\Doki Doki Literature Club > cd characters**  
**C:\Program Files (x86)\Doki Doki Literature Club\characters > dir**

**flair.chr**  
**natsuki.chr**  
**sayori.chr**  
**yuri.chr**

Much like before, I find my attention drifting towards my own file, but I pull myself back almost immediately. Of the four “minds” on display here, mine is the one I'm least ready to examine in detail, and it would be pointless for what I'm potentially about to do anyways. Instead, let's go with... Sayori's, I suppose? I just need an example to examine for now, so hers should work fine.

Steeling myself, I enter a new command.

**C:\Program Files (x86)\Doki Doki Literature Club\characters > edit Sayori.chr**

**Sayori.chr**

**Description: Vice president of the literature club and the neighbor of [player]. A seemingly cheerful girl afflicted by long-standing depression, and a subsequent lack of motivation in almost all things. Desires for those around her to be happy, and so hides her true feelings by acting joyful and enthusiastic in front of others, unwilling to inflict her problems upon them. Secretly in love with her childhood friend, [player], and sincerely cheered by his presence, but possesses little belief in her own self-worth, and thinks he would be better off without her.**

**\--Event Log--**

**Day 0:**  
**\--Spied [player] walking down the road in the morning, and ran to catch up so she could walk to school with him. Talked to [player] on the way, saying that he should join a club, and mentioning how important his happiness is to her. Convinced him to check out the Literature Club after school.**  
**\--Went through the school day as usual.**  
**\--After school, arrived at the Literature Club with [player] and discovered Monika wasn’t there yet. Quickly became worried for her, and talked Yuri and Natsuki into looking for her, leaving [player] behind in the clubroom.**  
**\--Found Monika in a restroom and realized she'd been crying. Offered to lend an ear to her troubles, but was rebuffed. Upon returning to the clubroom with her, claimed to have found Monika already on her way there.**  
**\--Ate cupcakes with the rest of the Literature Club. Complimented Monika's leadership and Natsuki's cuteness, showed enthusiasm for Monika’s proposed idea of the club sharing poetry daily, and hugged [player].**  
**\--Got home and spent the evening unable to summon the motivation to do anything. Ended up going to sleep early with the lights on, but awoke later to find Monika in her room, who reminded her of the poem she did not write. Panicked, fell out of bed, and stood up to find Monika gone.**  
**\--Wrote her poem, unsure if Monika was ever really in her room or not, but remained convinced it was more than a dream. Went back to sleep.**

**Day 1:**  
**\--Woke up and walked to school. Progressed through the day as usual.**  
**\--Left for the Literature Clubroom, telling [player] she’d be there when he finished cleaning. Became nervous upon arriving, remembering the previous night and wanting to ask Monika about it, but was unsure how to do so. Sat down with the other club members and listened to them talk about the possibility of a programmed universe, but was too distracted by Monika to pay much attention. Brought up her “dream” when questioned about her behavior by Natsuki, but did not go into detail. When asked, agreed to talk to Monika outside, in private, after club officially started.**  
**\--Defended [player] from Natsuki's accusations, mentioning how much he helps her. Urged Yuri to be good friends with [player] as well, and brought up the book the other girl brought for him, in an attempt to bring the two closer together.**  
**\--Reminded Monika of the talk she'd asked for, and walked outside the clubroom with her. Discussed preparations for the upcoming school festival.**

It takes me a few moments to process what I'm looking at, but even once I have, I'm still sort of dumbfounded. I don’t know exactly what I expected the inside of a .chr file to look like, but somehow I didn’t imagine it to be anything so… straightforward. Or simple, for that matter. I mean, technically all of Sayori’s basic personality traits are here, and there's a list of all her relevant recent memories, but surely you can't boil a mind down to just this, right? I mean... well, then again, Monika was supposedly able to modify these with no coding experience whatsoever, so maybe it only makes sense that they're this basic, else changing them would have been nigh-on impossible. It still seems weird though- I mean, isn’t the description sort of a spoiler if someone happens to look at it before actually playing the game? Not to mention that while I guess it makes sense the event log recorded the unscripted events since Sayori could remember them, its existence still strikes me as... strange. Wish I’d bothered to look at the contents of one of these before I ended up in here so I could judge exactly how strange, but that opportunity is long since lost.

Still, strange or not, this is potentially my best avenue of approach if I want to change things without the script being a constant impediment. According to the game, or at least the version I actually played, when Monika edited the .chr files of the other girls from their intended states, it significantly altered the way events were originally set to proceed. I don’t know how that worked logistically; whether the change in their personalities overrode the script, or forced the script to change in response, or what, but if the principle holds true then I should be able to find out pretty easily. Granted, the principle might not hold true if this is Psych-Horror DDLC, since that Monika probably never actually did anything to these files, and thus there might not be any successful precedent for what I'm about to do... but the fact that this file does seem to actually represent Sayori, and isn't just meaningless gibberish or empty space, suggests there’s still a chance it will work even so. It's worth a try, at least.

Now the question is, how do I use this for my purposes? From what I'm looking at, I assume you just write in or delete what you want and then save the file to make a modification. But whereas Monika was trying to exacerbate the others' negative traits to make them less likable, I need to somehow get a great deal of rather heavy information across to them using the exact same interface. Maybe if I instill in Yuri and Natsuki a desire to continue our talk, outside of the PC's point of view... no, the hidden script would probably still end up controlling the resulting scene, assuming that even worked to begin with. Can I write in something that makes it so the script _can’t_ control them? Would that work? I'm not sure; I don't recall Monika ever being implied to have done anything like that, and her actions are all I have to guide me here. I can make certain logical leaps, but I'd rather not have to, since if I do something I think makes sense that turns out to be a bad idea, and accidentally end up corrupting something, that would be... not good.

“So, what do you think?” I hear Sayori ask.

“I think a poetry performance sounds like a great idea.” I reply, smiling widely. “It fits this club perfectly.”

“Then it’s settled!” Sayori exclaims, smiling back. “I’ll start making posters tomorrow.”

Ergh, sounds like this conversation is wrapping up; I don't have the time to be indecisive about this too. Okay, perhaps an experiment is in order? I don't necessarily know if editing any of the .chr files will even do anything right now, so there's no sense doing something that could break something (or someone) without even testing out the theory first. I'll start small; try something like what Monika theoretically did to see if anything even happens, and move on from there if it's a success. But what should I change, exactly…?

My attention shifts back to Sayori's .chr file, which I still have open.

Well, if was possible to _worsen_ her state of mind...

Working quickly, I make a few alterations to her description.

**Description: Vice president of the literature club and the neighbor of [player]. A cheerful girl _currently getting over_ a long-standing depression, and a subsequent lack of motivation in almost all things. Desires for those around her to be happy, and so acts joyful and enthusiastic in front of others ~~, unwilling to inflict her problems upon them~~. Secretly in love with her childhood friend, [player], and sincerely cheered by his presence, but possesses little belief in her own self-worth ~~, and thinks he would be better off without her~~.**

I'm still tempted to do more, like outright delete her depression, or eliminate her low self-worth, or perhaps add a “Cannot delete or edit files contained within the Doki Doki Literature Club folder” clause or something, but I really do need to see if this works at all first before trying anything more radical. Plus, since evidence seems to suggest Sayori IS real and sapient to some extent, I'd prefer to avoid changing all that much about her anyways. I mean, I can't really see her objecting to suddenly being on the road to recovery, but this paragraph is likely what ultimately defines her. If I make things _too_ different, there won't be any Sayori left.

Taking a deep breath, I save and exit the file. I dearly hope this works...

“I promise I’ll-”

Sayori suddenly seems to freeze and cut off midway through the sentence she was saying, much like Natsuki did when I tried to move the execution cursor to the end of the file earlier. Oh _no_ , please don’t tell me I did it aga-

The world stutters.

“You know Sayori, I didn't just bring you out here to talk about festival preparations.” I suddenly find myself saying, to my great relief. “I had something else to ask you too.”

“Huh?” Sayori asks, looking surprised. “R-really? What's that, Monika?”

“I just couldn’t help but notice you’ve seemed happier than usual as of late.” I continue. “I mean, not that you don't seem pretty happy most of the time, but recently it's just seemed more... genuine, I suppose. Did something happen?”

…well _this_ is certainly a more immediate effect than I expected. Let’s see where this ends up going.

“Oh.” Sayori blinks in response to my question, seeming slightly confused. “Um… maybe? I’m not really sure...”

“It wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with Elano joining the Literature Club yesterday, would it?” I ask teasingly.

A bright red blush breaks out across Sayori's face. “N-no! Not- at least, I don’t think so, but… I...”

Her stammering protest trails off as she looks down at the floor, the cheer in her expression draining away.

“It's just… for the longest time, I’ve felt as though there's been this huge, invisible weight hanging over me. As far back as I can remember, it’s been there, every moment, of every minute, of every day, pressing in on me from every side. I try not to let it show, but doing anything… even wanting to do anything with it around, is just so _hard_ , that I… I…”

“Sayori...?” I ask as the other girl pauses, concern trickling into my voice. “Are- are you okay?”

Sayori looks away and takes in a long, deep breath. When she turns back to me, she’s smiling again.

“Yes, I'm okay.” Sayori says reassuringly, seeming calmer now. “I don’t think I'm as happy as you think I am, Monika. I don't think I ever have been, really. But recently, the weight feels lighter than I can ever remember it being. I think I’m more okay than I’ve been in a really, really long time.”

Uh… wow. Test successful, apparently? And aside from that weird pause, nothing seems to have broken, so... good! Great! Guess I should move on to experimenting with Yuri and Natsuki's files in that case? Or… wait, aren’t I getting sidetracked again? Now that I've confirmed .chr file editing works as advertised and I still have some manner of control over the game’s progression, it's not like I need to do anything with those two right this very moment.The “no time to talk” issue shouldn’t even apply with Sayori, so she should take priority anyways… in fact, maybe it would be best to get Sayori in the know before I try anything with the others' files, period? Half the point of continuing with Plan Meta-Aware was getting someone to confer with so I don’t make dumb mistakes, and while I doubt Sayori’s all that knowledgeable about computer code, there’s still less chance of my missing something obvious if I run my ideas past her first. Being less depressed should also make a mental collapse somewhat less likely, come to think of it...

“I'm… glad to hear that, Sayori.” My mouth replies for me as I silently plan, tone only slightly less concerned than before. “I won't pry, but... do you remember that offer you made me yesterday, when you found me?”

Sayori nods. “Of course I do. I wouldn’t forget something like that…”

“I'd like to extend a similar one to you, if you're okay with it.” I tell her, sincerity suffusing through my voice. “If you’re hurting, you shouldn’t have to bear it on your own. I’m here for you, if you need me.”

Sayori doesn’t look like she knows how to respond to that. After a moment, she sniffles, tears glistening in the corners of her eyes, before smiling again and unexpectedly hugging me. The script has me return it, unintentionally derailing my thought process.

“Thank you, Monika...”

Er… this is very touching and all, but awkwardness is currently trumping sentimentality. Sayori’s chest is kind of squished up against mine right now, and the sensation is kind of… not _uncomfortable_ exactly, but… just, could this hug please end soon, so I don’t have to focus on this? Please?

Just as I’m about to force my way past the script to do it regardless, Sayori breaks the embrace, and my hands both blessedly return to my sides. Thank you… er, what was I thinking about again? Waiting? Right, waiting… well, if tonight is anything like the last, I should be able to teleport to Sayori’s house freely, and as long as I avoid accidentally moving to the next day again, I should have theoretically infinite time to plan out my approach, which is a definite plus. Also, if telling Sayori ends up going badly, and she starts freaking out…

I quickly check the .chr file again, hoping this works the way I think it does. To my satisfaction, a new line reading “Admitted her depression to Monika, and accepted her offer to talk with her about it if needed.” seems to have been appended to the most recent event while I wasn’t looking, just as hoped. Yep! If editing the events works the same way editing the description does, then if I screw things up with Sayori, I should be able to erase her memory of it the instant it shows up in her file, letting me try again until I get it right. That's... wow, that's essentially the ultimate insurance policy. Seems like there’s nothing but pros to this plan besides it taking a bit of waiting to implement, so… yeah, let’s go with that. I’ll pick this line of thought back up after club is over then.

“Well, I think we've been out here long enough.” I’m prompted me to say aloud, breaking the silence that’s fallen between us. “We should get back inside. We've all got poems to share, after all.”

I turn around and reach for the clubroom doorknob.

“…hey, Monika?”

“Hmm?” I twist my neck around to look at Sayori over my shoulder.

“That question you asked earlier… you said it was important, so I’d like to give you my answer.” she says quietly. “That is, I’d _like_ to, but… I’m not quite as certain of it now as I was before. Do you mind if I think about it a little longer, and tell you tomorrow instead?”

…what.

“Not at all, Sayori.” The script has me patiently reply. “It's a hard question- take all the time you need.”

With that, I reopen the clubroom door and stroll back inside.

…I give up. I don’t get what the script is doing at all.

 


	7. If You're There

Of all the things about this situation that could potentially drive me insane, I would not have expected it to be by virtue of the apparent flip-flopping of what the script allows and/or wants to happen. It doesn’t want the plot to be derailed, so it takes over the conversation I forced it to make to avoid any undesirable subjects, only to bring up one of those subjects at the end of it anyways? _Why_? The obvious conclusion would be that the script was forced to adapt and write in something to address the events it didn’t plan for, like I considered before, but if that’s the case, then why was it able to sidestep the subject at the _start_ of the conversation? Was Sayori somehow in control of herself there, and thus able to ask about it, while I wasn’t? What is going on?!

As Sayori files back into the room behind me, I silently decide that if I’m going to have revise my theory of how the script works yet _again_ , I can do it some other time. I am so done with this stupid game refusing to make sense… maybe I’m just doomed to never fully understand the rules in play here.

Even as I’m thinking this, the script’s urging disappears, only to return all of a second later, presumably marking the transition between the hidden script and the normal one. Assuming I don’t have THAT wrong as well.

“Okay, everyone!” I say aloud. “I think it’s about time we share today’s poems with each other! We might not have enough time if we wait too long.”

Elano and Yuri look up from their conversation, the latter looking quite embarrassed, as does Natsuki, who inexplicably seems to have decided the floor is the most comfortable place to read her manga, as opposed to any of the numerous open desks and chairs. Meanwhile, my own words serve to remind me of a now rather pressing problem: I still have no plan for what to do about my “poem”…

“Ah…” Yuri sighs.

“Is that alright, Yuri?” the script compels me to approach her and ask. “You look kind of-“

***ping* *ping* *ping* *click!***

“-down…I’m sorry if you haven’t been looking forward to this.”

…what was _that_?

“Ah, it’s not…” Yuri trails off. “…It’s fine.”

Um, no, seriously, what was that? Those noises… I didn't just hear them, I _felt_ them, somehow. Which was extraordinarily weird, because they weren’t really physical sensations, or at least not sensations I felt in my actual body. It was more like I was feeling them in… the entire world around me, somehow?

The script has me walk away from Elano and Yuri as they begin discussing their reading schedule, before releasing me for the moment. I move over to the desk I sat at earlier, still wondering what those noises/sensations were, until my eyes sight on Monika’s bag, and I remember that I have more important concerns to deal with at the moment.

I quickly check to make sure no one’s looking, before opening the bag’s flap and discreetly peeking inside. It only holds one thing- a familiar looking composition notebook, with a neat, slightly slanted signature on the front proclaiming it to be Monika’s. Sticking out ever so slightly from the pages is a single sheet of paper, which has been visibly (albeit neatly) torn out of the binding of another book.

I pull it out a little further, catching a glimpse of the words written near the top- yep, it’s my escape methods list. Not that I really expected anything else. Once more, I don’t understand. Multiple times the script intervenes, seemingly to try and keep the plot on track, yet the game readily accepts a “poem” that could obviously wreck said plot- and possibly cause huge problems for me- should anyone properly read it. I wonder, should I maybe just wait and see if the script takes care of this issue for me? Given its previous behavior, presumably this is a problem for it as well, and seeing as how it seems to be taking the reins on that front even when I wouldn’t expect it to...

I consider it for a moment before deciding against it. It's too much of a risk. Even if the script does resolve the poem discrepancy, I apparently can't count on it sticking as close to the original plot as possible after all, which means the way it chooses to resolve things might result in a highly unfavorable situation. Like, say, the girls who may have just as much power as I do to alter this world learning about it being a game in perhaps one of the bluntest ways possible, and taking it poorly enough that one of them decides to outright _end_ it. For obvious reasons, I'd prefer to try and avoid that… though, I might not have a choice. If I think about it, the script probably won’t let anyone hear me if I try to tell them my poem got lost or left at home or something, so what can I actually do here?

…well, I don’t think the game can force me to share something that no longer _exists_ …

I reach into the bag and begin carefully, quietly tearing the loose page apart, focusing mostly on the part that actually has words written on it. There's no trash can in here, so I won't be able to throw the scraps away, but as long as the game doesn't just fix the page without warning, this should at least keep anyone from reading it. Assuming the script requires it to be intact to make me present it, that is. Logically it seems like it should, given that the paper was a physical object, but I don't feel like I can really be sure of that.

I check the code window, trying to see if anything in the script has changed in response to the destruction of my “poem”, but find that we're not actually in the chapter one script file right now, we're in “script-exclusives-yuri.rpy”. We're only one line away from a return command though, so I just wait for a moment as Elano stands, slipping the book Yuri gave him into his bag, and watch the open file immediately change back to script-ch1.rpy. Okay, poem reactions... shoot, no good, apparently they're ALSO in a different file that’ll only be called when poem sharing starts. Guess I'll have to wait another few lines to see if this worked or not.

The script urges me to walk over and talk to Elano. I move my seat back to do so, stand up, and-

 

* * *

 

-the world around me abruptly ceases to exist.

I stare into the nothingness, horror gripping me as I realize what just happened. I’m… I’m _here_ again. Oh no, I should have Z̷̛͝W̸̶̧̢N̸͘͢͡0͘͞Z͘͢͝W̸̛Q͢͝=̷̢ this; of course the player was going to turn off the game R͘1̷̧͘Y҉̧̡W̶̴̨̕̕x̧͘͏̴s͢͡e͡Q̷̛҉̵̨=̶҉͝=̷͘͢͡ , and when that happens, I **5̴̨k̴̢̕͢I̡̛͜H̨̧V̛͞w̶͜͢͟͢** -!

Just as before, lines of black and white fuzz begin to appear, cutting through the void like a storm of jagged, monochromatic lightning. A soundless explosion of green pierces through the darkness, followed by one of both red and blue shortly thereafter, bubbles of color springing into existence from nothing before fading an instant later. The void roars like an angry god, the sound echoing in the seemingly infinite space and pressing, squeezing, _crushing_ down on me like one of my decade-old nightmares come to life. I choke, desperate for air, but I can’t speak, can’t breathe, I don't have the **ability to breathe** _-_

-and then my thoughts finally, blessedly cease to make coherent sense.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

I’m standing next to Yuri’s desk, looking down at the girl in question.

 “-down…” my mouth involuntarily dribbles out.

The script pushes me to complete the thought, but I clamp my jaw shut almost involuntarily, my teeth clacking together so hard that a distant part of my mind worries they'll break. I stumble backwards, inhaling heavily as I collapse against the door of the clubroom. I’m immediately struck by the desire to get up, which I completely disregard.

I’m okay. I'm alright. Still alive; void gone, I can breathe, I'm fine- _hah,_ no I'm not fine, I'm anything _but_ fine, none of this is even remotely **fine**...

The desire to return to my feet intensifies, but continues to be superseded by my far more prevalent emotions and thoughts at the moment. Those noises were… the game being saved? Must have been. So I got plonked back where I was, and was expected to continue, but… not even a pause to recover; that’s insane, how could I possibly just resume as if nothing happened, how could _Monika_ , if this really happened to her so regularly, _how_ …

The urge to rise fades away, and is replaced by one to stay exactly where I am.

“Monika?” “Miss President?” “Monika?!” “Monika!”

Suddenly everyone seems to notice that I'm crouched in a near-fetal position in front of the door, and rushes over to me.

“Monika, what happened?” Sayori asks with clear concern. “Are you alright?”

I dully check the script. It’s changed again. My line is…

**m "I'm fine, I'm fine! Just a little dizzy spell, don't worry about it..."**

“Oh, I just got sent to the hellscape that is the Screaming Void again, because the player turned off the game, is all.” I say instead, glaring up at my worried looking audience despite the tears currently threatening to form in the corners of my eyes, as well as the obvious tremor pervading my voice. “But you don’t know what that is, and you can’t hear me anyways, because the script won’t let you. So there’s no real point to telling you that, is there? There's no point to me saying any of this. I could sit here and pour my heart and soul out to you, and all you’ll hear is me telling you that I’m _fucking_ _dizzy_.”

I try to grit out the last sentence with all the anger and spite this game has incurred from me thus far, but my voice breaks midway through, and it just comes out sounding like a pained whimper.

“I highly doubt that.” Yuri says, shaking her head. “If it were just a dizzy spell, you would not be shaking.”

I let out a choked laugh. Shock and surprise, none of that got- wait, shaking? I’m shaking?

I take a moment to observe myself, and realize that I’m quivering like a leaf in the wind. Oh. Right she is. Another quick look at the script proves that it’s not my fault, though I honestly can’t say whether or not I wouldn’t be shaking regardless right now.

“Do you need to go to the nurse's office?” Natsuki asks me. “Seriously Monika, if you're sick or something, just tell us.”

I open my mouth to tell her I'm not sick, I'm just frustrated, and angry, and trying to mentally recover from a second iteration of the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced. But before I can get out so much as a word, the script causes my breathing to hitch, and I break out in a coughing fit.

“...yeah, we're taking you to the nurse.” Natsuki decides, crouching and placing herself under my shoulder. “Someone mind giving me a hand getting her up?”

Sayori and Yuri quickly spring to assist her, wearing near identical expressions of worry.

“Er... is there anything I can do to help?” Elano offers as I'm all but dragged back to my feet, Natsuki supporting me to keep me from falling back to the floor.

“Perhaps you could run ahead to inform the nurse we're coming?” Yuri suggests. “They may want to call Monika's parents, if she truly is ill.”

Clueless of how unlikely it is that said parents even exist, Elano nods. “Yeah, I can do that.”

He runs out of the classroom, while Natsuki and Sayori begin helping me towards the door. The script’s next line is…

**m "Seriously, I'm alright. Really, just give me a minute, you don't need to-"**

I don’t have the energy to say something else in its place again, but when my mouth tries to speak the words anyways, pettiness compels me to clench my teeth and lips together, skipping them entirely.

“Yes, we do.” Yuri affirms anyways, interrupting the sentence I didn’t say. “It isn’t healthy for you to ignore your own needs for the sake of the club.”

“Yuri’s right, Monika.” Sayori agrees. “Friends help each other. We can all deal with missing club for a day to do that.”

Yuri and Natsuki nod in agreement, before half-helping, half-carrying me out of the classroom and slowly leading me down the hallway. The relaxed pace we set and the lack of conversation grants me the time to gradually gather my wits again, which I silently appreciate.

Okay… okay. I’m okay. For real, this time. I’m out of The Void- for now- so I need to just... put the experience behind me for the time being, and focus. Focus on… god, I don’t even know. What was I thinking about before that happened, again? Something to do with-

***ping* *ping* *ping* *click!***

I stiffen at the newly familiar sounds, jerking my head upwards. _No_. The game only  just started again, it can't have even been five minutes yet, no, PLEASE-!

***ping* *ping* *click!***

 

* * *

 

-I’m standing next to Yuri’s desk. Again.

“-down…” I find myself saying for the third time over.

_What...?_

“I’m sorry if you haven’t been looking forward to this.” I automatically finish, too off balance to stop myself.

Yuri says the same line as before in response, and I'm once more urged back to my desk, where I sit down feeling... rather confused. As relieved as I am that I’m not back in The Screaming Void again, I’m not entirely clear on what just happened. I heard/felt two more of the “ping” sequences, and now I’m here again, so... I guess that was the player loading the game file? That would only make sense, given that this is the third time I've been back here, but the first sequence was just like the one before the game was turned off, which I assume would indicate another save. Meaning...

I turn the order of events over in my head. So, if I'm right, the player turned off the game, turned ON the game, watched me have my second breakdown in as many days, saved again- to another file, I guess- and then loaded the first save file so that they could start back here again? Why would they... do they just want to watch me freak out a second time, or- wait, did they even see that? I still have no idea if the game is just feeding the "intended" lines and events to the other side of the screen or not. Though, I really can't see why the script would bother altering itself if it wasn't actually using the results somehow…

…on that topic, it would have been hard not to notice that the script changed again, back in the other file. Presumably operating on the same "actions speak louder than words" principle as when I holed up in the restroom yesterday, since this time it was because I… collapsed at the door and didn't get up, I think? Argh, I still don't understand why some actions apparently qualify as important enough to force the script to revise itself, while others don't seem to provoke any reaction from it at all. I should really try and figure that out; it's likely the most direct avenue I have for potentially changing things, if not necessarily the most predictable… and maybe it'll help me get my mind off what just happened in the process. Maybe.

I close my eyes and cup my cheek with one hand, still trying to calm down. Since I stopped thinking about it, I've been sort of tacitly assuming that the script edited yesterday's events because I was completely missing from a scene I was prominently featured in. However, that wasn't true this time, and my breakdown wasn't really any "larger" an event than when I manhandled Elano. So… does the script have to change even if I'm in the same room, but just not standing or sitting where I'm supposed to be? That seems way too easy, honestly. I don't _think_ the changes are related to The Void, even though both occurrences of it happening this way have been immediately after coming out of it… maybe I just have to do things that go explicitly against the script's wishes? That would make sense; I did sort of "refuse" to move even when prodded after all, and it was almost the same when I was being urged to head to the classroom-

My deductive process is abruptly interrupted by the script pushing me to get up and talk to Elano. I almost let myself do it, until it occurs to me just how perfect an opportunity this is to put theory into practice, and so force myself to remain firmly seated in place. The compulsion only grows more insistent at my refusal, continuing to try and influence me… until, like a sudden release of pressure, it ceases.

"So, we should get our poems out then, right Monika?" Sayori asks from the desk beside me.

My mouth pulls itself into a smile. "Yep! Let me just talk to Elano for a minute, and we'll get started."

The urge to walk over and speak to him returns, strong enough this time that I end up all but yanking but myself out of my seat. Already standing, I begrudgingly comply, both slightly encouraged and slightly concerned.

Okay, so ignoring the script didn't change much beyond making Sayori prompt me, but it definitely DID force it to change, and given what I caused a few minutes ago in the other "timeline", I probably could have forced a bigger edit if I continued to ignore Sayori, or perhaps tried to leave the classroom or something. That's good! While I'm increasingly less confident of how the script will change as a result of my actions, at least that seems to clarify which ones it actually cares about.

…that said, that was definitely the first time the script has been quite so… aggressive with me. Aggressive being a word I use in this context extremely hesitantly, as it only further personifies the subject. Don't tell me it's somehow capable of _emotion_ on top of everything else; that just sounds ridiculous.

"By the way, did you remember to write a poem last night?" I ask Elano as I'm thinking.

"Y-yeah…" he stutters.

"Well, now that everyone's ready, why don't you find someone to share with?" I suggest, smiling.

"I can't wait~!" Sayori says from behind us.

I pull my mind back to the present as the script walks me back over to my bag and has me bring out Monika's composition book. Things are picking back up, so I'd best just refocus on what's in front of me for now. Based on what I just learned, I think my poem not being intact or present should qualify for an edit, so I wonder what exactly the script will do in response to-

My thought process stalls as I open the book, revealing my perfectly intact escape methods list.

…right. The save point was made before I ripped this up. Which means that now, that never happened, and the list is right back where it was.

God. **Damn it**.

For a moment, I'm tempted to just re-destroy the page with flagrant abandon and say to hell with the consequences, but my earlier rationale to try and avoid provoking questions from the others that I can't, or at least don't want to answer just yet tempers the impulse. While I've yet to fully grasp the rules that the script appears to be operating on, I'm still fairly sure ripping my list up in plain sight of everyone else will prompt the creation of a scenario I'm not particularly fond of. That said, anyone seeing and reacting to this "poem" is likely going to cause the exact same thing, possibly to an even greater degree-

Elano pulls his poem out, and everyone seems to briefly freeze as a familiar wave of black sweeps over the room, the scene transition not appearing to actually do anything at first beyond startle me. Then there's another ***ping*** , followed by a second wave of black, and I abruptly find myself standing directly in front of Elano. Ack!

“Hi, Elano!” I say cheerily, the sudden teleportation having thrown me off balance enough for the script to move forward uncontested. “Having a good time so far?”

“Ah…yeah.”

“Good! Glad to hear it!”

A small surge of happiness runs through me, but I have no time to focus on or even be annoyed about that, given what I know is about to happen. Ignoring the conversation completely, I frantically check the script- we’ve moved to a much larger file called “script-poemresponses.rpy”, and are currently executing the code block under a label reading “ch1_m_start”. There’s not much dialogue left before Elano shows me his poem, after which I’ll have to show him my own... and for some reason his _reaction_ to that isn’t anywhere to be seen; the script just hits a return right after he asks to see it. There’s no time to go scrolling through this giant file to figure out where that goes, assuming it’s even in here, meaning I have no way whatsoever to gauge how bad the fallout of this could be if I don’t figure out a way to avoid it. Oh, cut me a freaking BREAK already!

“Don’t be afraid to bring things up, okay?” I’m saying.

“Alright…I’ll keep that in mind.”

I have to stop this somehow. What are my options? I can’t destroy the list again for reasons already covered, can’t excuse my way out of sharing in advance when the event is already in progress, can’t edit Elano’s .chr file since he doesn’t _have_ a .chr file- argh, that would’ve worked with _anyone else_ here, wouldn’t it?!- which leaves… um, leaving, I guess. That’ll probably cause questions too actually, but at least they’re less likely to be ones I’m really concerned about.

I pull my feet out of the position they want to remain planted in, trying to get far enough away from Elano that the game takes notice again. Unfortunately, he just wordlessly trails after me, continuing the conversation as if I’m not actively scrambling back from him. This isn’t enough; I’ll have to do something more extreme. I could exit the classroom? Crumple against the door again? Fling some chairs wildly around the room in demonstration of my feelings regarding this whole situation? Oh, tempting, but let’s just keep it simple and go with the first one.

I turn to begin moving towards the door… and freeze, recalling the almost hostile way I jerked myself out of my seat a minute ago. Wait. If... if the script really is capable of emotion, and I keep deliberately forcing it to change when it doesn’t want to, is it going to start getting _vindictive_? Am I just going to end up pissing it off by doing this?

My gaze remains locked on the door, but I still don’t move any closer to it. This situation is hard enough to deal with as is; I really cannot afford the thing that essentially controls the entire world I’m in right now having it in for me on top of the difficulties it already presents. But I can’t let the idea of that paralyze me; I don’t even know if that’s necessarily how it works! I have to do something…!

Inspiration suddenly strikes. Would that... I think... there may be another option to prevent my list from being seen that avoids involving the script at all. Maybe. It's risky, but at this point, probably no more so than anything else, so I may as well try.

I open my mouth, only for Elano to suddenly place his poem in my hands, as we’ve apparently reached that point in the conversation. Er, alright, I need the space to say something anyways, and I should still have some time to try my idea while I’m giving my opinion on this, so no big deal. Just need to look at this real quick, and… then…

 

 

 

**The Question**

_Such a curious universe we live in_  
_With infinity sprawling before us_  
_We look out and observe:_

 _A puppet show, conducted by a skilled puppeteer_  
_Wooden people, dancing on the flimsy strings of destiny_  
_Their world existent at the whims of a fickle, unseen god_  
_The silent judgment of the watching crowd, roaring louder than any cry_

 _A fountain, droplets shimmering with dream-like images_  
_Each so vivid, so vibrant, you’d swear them to be real_  
_Turn away for but a moment, and they’ll quickly fade from mind_  
_Gone like wisps of smoke, a figment of imagination_

 _An unending length of fabric, sewn and stitched with lurid starscapes_  
_Roiling infernos and explosions of light, clashing with voids of utter black_  
_The march of time and entropy, unraveling each thread_  
_Until the cosmos winks out, a graveyard of frayed ends_

 _Someday they all shall crumble_  
_Eternity will see them through_  
_While we can but wait_  
_And prepare for the inevitable climax_

_Such a frightening prospect to consider..._

 


	8. Please Help Me

I'm unable to stop myself from boggling. What… how the… this is an _actual poem_ , how did…?! The game just offers the player a bunch of random words to string together without any actual connection, they can’t possibly have made- did the game turn the words the player picked into this on its own? Why-?!  
  
“Great job, Elano!” I enthusiastically exclaim while handing back the page. “I was going ‘Ooh’ in my head while reading it.”  
  
...I can’t focus on this right now, I’m running out of time and lines to speak with. Like so very many other things as of late, it'll just have to wait until later.  
  
“It’s… no. Hey, player?” I start, talking over my intended line. “Yes, you, the one playing this game. I’m sorry to ask this, but could you reload the last save file, please? I... kind of forgot to do something important, which might screw a few things up if I don’t fix it, so I’d really appreciate if you could do that for me.”  
  
I wait for a moment, hoping, but nothing happens besides Elano replying to an unspoken sentence. “It’s easiest for me to keep everyone’s expectations low. That way, it always counts when I put in the effort.”  
  
I want to laugh at that, even though it made no sense without the set up line, but pull myself back.

“This isn’t a joke, I swear.” I try again. “I just need you to load another file. I don’t even mind which one it is, either of them would be fine.”

The script makes me shift to a new pose. I quickly drop out of it in favor of a pleading expression.  
  
“Please, I’m begging you…” I continue, my heart sinking. “You don't understand, my very existence might be at stake here. I don't know what else to do…”  
  
“I’m sure I’m nowhere near her level yet.” Elano says.  
  
“ _Please_ …”  
  
Nothing.  
  
I hang my head, even my gravity-defying ponytail seeming to droop. I can't even tell if that's confirmation that the player can't hear/read me and is only getting the normal scripted text, or if it’s confirmation that they're just a _jerk_. There’s no way to distinguish between the two from this side of things...  
  
“I’m sure I’ll end up trying different things a lot.” Elano continues, oblivious to my plight. “It could take a while before I feel comfortable doing this.”  
  
“That’s okay!” I say happily, a sudden rush of scripted positivity managing to override most of my disappointment at my plan's failure. “I’d love to see you try new things.”  
  
I shudder at my mood's abrupt attempt to invert itself, finding the almost 180-degree shift my emotions just went through extremely disorienting. Augh... I guess that's _one_ way of keeping me from dwelling on that idea's total failure...  
  
The scene continues as I do my best to shake off the fake happiness and look down at the list in my hand, trying to very, very quickly come up with another way out of this. I then do a double take upon suddenly realizing that the words on the page don't seem to be written in my normal winding cursive, but in a slanted, meticulously even print that I vaguely recognize from Monika's in-game poems. How- wha- did the game change it to be like this when I wasn't looking? Or did I  write it this way and somehow just not notice until now? Could the universe kindly stop throwing new confusing questions in my face before I've managed to get a handle on literally _any_ of the old ones?!  
  
Shoving yet another item into the increasingly full “issues for later” box, I check the code window to see what few lines remain.

 **> > m “Ahaha!”**  
**mc “Ahaha...”**  
**m 1a “Anyway, do you want to read my poem now?”**  
**m 1e “Don’t worry, I’m not very good...”**  
**mc “You sound pretty confident for someone who claims to not be very good.”**  
**m 1j “Well...that’s ’cause I have to sound confident.”**  
**m 1b “That doesn’t mean I always feel that way, you know?”**  
**show monika 1a**  
**mc “I see...”**  
**mc “Well, let’s read it, then.”**  
**return**

Damn it, I’m basically out of time... okay, last chance. I'll try simply refusing to give up my list, and hope the script has the grace to allow that to happen. If that fails, the fallback is still running out of the room- it may just end up pissing the script off, but it’s all I’ve got left.  
  
The next few lines pass quickly, and soon Elano expectantly holds out his hand towards me.  
  
“Well, let's read it, then.”  
  
I smile, but resist the urge to hold mine out in turn, refusing to move my hand from my side. Several seconds pass by, and the script relents as Elano speaks again.  
  
“Um, Monika? Are you…blushing?”  
  
“Hehe…maybe.” I say, looking away and feeling a sudden hotness in my cheeks.  
  
“No need to be embarrassed. I’m sure your poem is better than mine.”  
  
I laugh nervously. “I’m not embarrassed! Really. It’s just…the subject of my poem isn’t something I’m entirely comfortable with sharing.”  
  
I'll grant you that much is definitely true.  
  
“Well, if you don’t want to show me, I don’t want to pressure you...” Elano says.  
  
Wait, did that actually work? Oh thank god, the game's _finally_ decided to throw me a bone-  
  
“No, no,” I say, my rising hopes immediately crashing back down as I shake my head. “I knew I would have to share it when I wrote it. It’s just…here.”  
  
The urge to hand over the page returns, twice as strong as before. My left arm starts moving as if on its own, and I have to physically grab and restrain it with my right to keep myself from passing the list to Elano. Two completely opposing impulses war with each other as I struggle with myself, straining not to let myself give in. Alright, clearly the script does not want to take the out I offered it, so I guess it’s time to leave!  
  
I turn around and make a dash for the door. The moment I do however, my hand spasms and catches on a nearby desk. The impact isn’t hard enough to do more than sting, but the surprise alone is enough to loosen my grip on the page I was so desperately keeping hold of. The list slips from my fingers and floats backwards, right into Elano’s waiting hand. I whirl around to try to take it back before he looks at it, but slump upon seeing his gaze already fixed upon it.  
  
Great. I’m screwed...  
  
“So…what do you think?” I hear myself ask.  
  
I dully await the inevitable cascade of confused questions the script is doubtless about to have Elano launch at me.  
  
“Hmm…it’s very…freeform, if that’s what you call it.”  
  
…huh?  
  
“Sorry, I’m not really the right person to ask for feedback…”  
  
…are you kidding me?  
  
“Ahaha. It’s okay.” I say. “Yeah, that kind of style has gotten pretty popular nowadays.”  
  
I check the code window, which has now moved to a much earlier part of the file, and confirm what I already know- this is the original reaction to Monika’s poem. It’s line for line identical.  
  
“That is, a lot of poems have been putting emphasis on the timing between words and lines.” I continue. “When performed out loud, it can be really powerful.”  
  
Performed out lo- you couldn’t  perform that! This doesn’t even make sense! What, did the script just decide to default to the original lines because it couldn’t think of a way to write a proper reaction?! Or did it... turn the words on the page into something actually vaguely poetic, like his…?  
  
“What was the inspiration behind this one?” Elano asks. “I know you said you weren’t comfortable with the subject, so you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want, but I’m curious.”  
  
“Ah...” I hesitate. “Well, I’m not sure I know how to put it…I guess you could say that I had some kind of epiphany recently.”  
  
Yeah, specifically that I clearly have no idea what is and is not worth worrying about in- wait, epiphany? As in Monika’s epiphany that she’s a character in a dating sim? Is that a confirmation that this is Psych-Horror DDLC, or is there some other way that line could make sense? I… who even knows…  
  
As I tell Elano maybe I’ll give everyone more detail on that after everyone is better friends, he hands me back my “poem”, which I briefly look at to see if it’s any different. Barring the possibility that it changed back while it was exchanging hands however, my list looks exactly the same as it did a minute ago. Elano just... doesn't care, I guess.  
  
I spout off Monika’s trademark Writing Tip of the Day in a sort of fugue state and tell Elano “Thanks for listening~”, before darkness once again passes through the classroom to no apparent purpose. Another ***ping*** , another wave, and I’m standing next to the desk I claimed earlier, list still in hand, while Yuri is now standing in front of Elano instead.  
  
I all but collapse into the nearby seat, letting my head loll back so far that I feel the end of my ponytail brush the floor. Well... crisis averted… sort of… honestly, was that even a crisis? Elano’s the PC. He doesn’t seem to have any ability to think or act beyond the confines of the script, so even if he'd realized what he was looking at, it's not like he would have been able to do anything about it. In fact, he's probably the _least_ worrisome person in this room who could possibly have seen my escape methods list. And yet, I…  
  
...what am I even doing…  
  
I squeeze my eyes shut as tightly as I can in hopes of blocking out the world around me. It’s like I'm running around trying to put together a puzzle that keeps adding additional dimensions to itself, and not only do I not know if I have all the pieces, but the ones I _do_ have I keep putting in incorrectly. That is, when the arrival of _more_ pieces doesn't sidetrack me from the ones I was already working on. I’m focusing on all the wrong things, panicking over stuff I don’t need to, twisting my mind into knots trying to make sense of what's happening and failing despite that. Forget maddening, this is  exhausting…  
  
“Monika?”  
  
I open my eyes and look to my right. Sayori has stood up from her desk, and is looking down at me with a sympathetic expression.  
  
“Still tired, huh?”  
  
“No, I’m just…” I start, before trailing off, reconsidering, and sighing. “…yeah, I’m tired.”  
  
Tired of running my brain in circles like my thoughts are on some sort of mental Mobius strip...  
  
Sayori giggles. “Sorry! I’m kind of glad I’m not the only one though.”  
  
I glance somewhat resignedly at the code. Elano and Yuri are having their poem exchange... no sign of the hidden script... seems Sayori and I are free to talk. Not that I feel like I have any clue what to do with that information at the moment.  
  
“Can I share my poem with you?” Sayori asks with a small smile.  
  
...sure. Why not? I’m too mentally drained to know what to say or do right now anyways.  
  
I wordlessly nod my assent, and Sayori passes me her torn sheet of looseleaf.

 

 **Keep Going**  
  
_The days always leave me so so tired. My eyes so full of sleep.  
So so I curl up atop the pillows, and sink beneath the sheets.  
If only I could sleep forever, dozing the days away.  
Always dreaming of you, and the things I know you’ll never say.  
  
In the dark of night, a voice calls out.  
It whispers clear, and doesn't shout.  
My ears might just be playing pretend.  
But it sounds a little like a friend.  
  
It reminds me of what I haven't done.  
Reminds me what I still need to do.  
Reminds me to keep on going.  
Then it’s gone, and all is quiet.  
  
Their words echo through me as I do my best to stand.  
Getting to my feet, trying not to slip and fall.  
No matter what, they always push me onward.  
But I wonder if they’re enough.  
  
Hoping that they’re enough.  
Wanting them to be enough.  
Wishing they were enough.  
Pleading for them to be enough.  
  
…I still want to sleep.  
But I know that I can't.  
  
Because it's morning soon._

 

My eyebrows raise as I read through the verses. This isn't “Sunshine”, but... unless I'm mistaken, it’s still a poem about what Sayori was thinking of just after she woke up.  
  
“How is it?” Sayori asks nervously.  
  
Well, on the one hand, this is at least in part a pretty thinly-veiled account of my little visit to Sayori’s room last night, making it more a short description of a literal event than anything else. On the other, it’s also a pretty decent, almost blatant metaphor for Sayori’s depression, which I can only assume is intentional, and the fact that she worked it in so well with the surreal “vision” I gave her is kind of impressive. Overall…  
  
“I like it.” I tell her honestly. “The repetition works well, and I can tell that there are multiple layers of meaning. The contrast between the first verses and the ending ones is pretty interesting too.”  
  
Sayori seems happy with that, and motions for me to go on. I briefly struggle to figure out something else to say- Sayori doesn't know I'm aware of her poem's actual subject matter, but trying to comment without referencing that is somewhat difficult.  
  
“I also think the emotions feel really authentic.” I add after a moment. “Although, the overall tone does seem a bit... ah...”  
  
“Sad?” Sayori suggests as I trail off.  
  
“...melancholy, might be a better word.” I finish.  
  
Sayori looks away, pressing her fingers together again. “…I kind of think so too. I meant it to be bittersweet, but I wasn't feeling great when I wrote it. Looking at it now, it feels like there might be a bit too much bitter, and not enough sweet… maybe I'll try to write something a little happier next time.”  
  
She smiles, and I smile back. At least I've managed to do one thing right so far. “I wouldn't be opposed to that, but write what you feel like writing, Sayori.”  
  
“I will. Thanks Monika!” Sayori says brightly, which I take as my cue to hand her poem back to her. “Do you want me to read yours now?”  
  
I look down at the paper still clutched in my left hand. I… guess there’s no harm in it. That incident with Elano reminded me that since I know I can edit the .chr files now, I can probably just show everyone the list and then immediately erase their memory of it, or add a trait like “Doesn’t read Monika’s poems.” to their descriptions. There was no reason for me to be so panicked about the idea earlier; I just hadn’t gotten far enough in my thought process yet to realize it.  
  
“Sure, but just to warn you, it might seem a little weird.” I say, passing Sayori my list and reopening her file in preparation. I idly note that the most recent item in her event log says that she shared her poem with Natsuki, which I guess must have happened while I was busy with Elano.  
  
Sayori’s expression as she looks the list over goes from happy to confused nigh-instantly. Since there’s not much on it, it doesn’t take long for her to finish and turn back to me, still looking befuddled.  
  
“Wondering if I passed you the wrong page?” I ask somewhat jokingly.  
  
“N-no!” Sayori stutters. “It’s just… really metaphorical? Sorry Monika, I don’t think I quite get it…”  
  
I suppose that’s probably one of the kinder ways to express the sentiment “this makes no sense, and isn’t really a poem”.  
  
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” I assure her. “Elano said pretty much the same thing, and I don’t think anyone else is going to ‘get it’ either. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t really intend to be sharing this at all. It's not even done.”  
  
“Oh... really? So that’s why it’s…” Sayori trails off.  
  
“Yeah.” I answer anyways. “The club president not finishing the activity she herself assigned isn't exactly setting a great example, I know. Sorry about that... promise the next one I bring in will be complete.”  
  
As in, when this day finally ends, I’m not letting the next one start until I’m good and ready for it.  
  
“I'm gonna hold you to that promise, Monika.” Sayori says playfully as she hands the page back to me. “Don't force me to use my super special Vice President powers on you!”  
  
I snicker at her antics and snap off a casual salute. “Understood, ma'am!”  
  
At that moment, another double scene transition sweeps through the room, leaving Natsuki talking to Elano, and Yuri back at her desk. Sayori walks away and heads towards the purple haired girl, while I remain where I am, surprisingly uplifted from that small conversation. Huh, that actually managed to put me in a slightly better mood... and in a natural way, unlike when the script just forced happiness on me earlier. Unfortunately, I now have to erase all record of that talk ever happening from Sayori's .chr file, which kind of sours things.  
  
I stuff my list in the desk as I check the already open file. As expected, Sayori’s event log has a new item:  
  
\--Exchanged poems with Monika. Received primarily compliments on her own poem, but was personally dissatisfied with it, and concluded she should try to write something happier for the next one. Was rather confused by Monika's poem, thinking its contents rather strange, but ultimately brushed them off upon learning it was unfinished.  
  
Huh, seems my saying I didn’t finish actually might have been important. It was just a one off remark, but if Sayori only thought the list was “strange”, and isn’t going to dwell on it, then... I might not actually need to erase this. In fact, if I'm still planning on trying to bring her into the fold later, her having already seen my list might even serve as a good lead-in. Unless the script is likely to use it as a catalyst between now and tonight for Sayori to have an epiphany in sudden and horrific fashion, I think I actually _want_ to leave this be.  
  
…wasn’t this something I considered potentially disastrous, like, ten minutes ago?  
  
I prop my elbows up on the desk and sigh heavily as I lay my chin on my hands, frustrated with how wishy-washy I’m getting. My opinions keep flip-flopping, and for any given issue I can’t tell if I need to be cautious and try not to stir the pot, or if the world is forbidding me from stirring the pot to begin with. That’s not entirely my fault, what with the script completely refusing to make consistent sense, but my constant lack of focus and clearly-lacking grasp on the numerous outstanding issues I’ve encountered thus far are definitely not helping. When today finally ends- and right now, I think my goal is just to _reach_ today’s end- I really, really need to see if I can resolve some of those questions I’ve been so readily accumulating, else I’m eventually going to get myself so badly confused that I end up giving myself the digital equivalent of an aneurysm. Although, given what happened during the last “nighttime”, there’s at least one thing I should probably try to figure out before then. Is there a pencil or pen in here?  
  
I look around, assuming there’s probably at least one or two of them scattered about, but to the contrary, the room appears barren of any and all writing implements. The blackboards don’t even have any chalk in their trays. Whoops, was thinking about this place like a real classroom for a sec. That’s kind of annoying; if there’s nothing in here…  
  
I glance over at Sayori and Yuri, considering asking one of them if I can borrow something to write with, before deciding to search Monika’s bag first. It didn’t seem to have anything but the composition book in it earlier, but if I don’t have anything to write with, I doubt anyone else does either, so I might as well look.  
  
Luckily, it turns out I was wrong- there’s a small zipper pouch on the inside lip that I didn’t notice before, containing several dark pink mechanical pencils tipped with decorative, heart-shaped erasers. I take one out, along with the currently blank notebook my poem was supposed to go in. Alright, let’s see what happened with my escape list’s text…  
  
I put pencil to page and attempt to write the sentence “This is a test.” on the first line. The words automatically emerge in a neat, almost calligraphic manner that comes completely naturally to me. It actually takes me a conscious moment of examining what I wrote before I realize it’s still most certainly not my usual handwriting, the lack of connection between the letters being a rather major tip off in my case. Well, that certainly answers _that_ … can I force myself to write normally, at least?  
  
As it turns out, no, no I cannot. No matter what I try, my usual large, looping lettering seems all but impossible now, with everything I write inevitably coming out in Monika’s prim, precisely printed penmanship instead. Further testing shows that it’s not just cursive I can't use though- I’m also unable to pen words sloppily, space letters further apart, or even reduce the slant of my text. Every stroke of the pencil I make is measured, perfect, standardized, with results that ultimately look closer to typing than writing.  
  
After a couple minutes of this, I stop, feeling like I’ve seen all I need to. Looks like the script didn’t do anything to my escape methods list; I just physically can’t write in any style besides the one Monika is meant to use, which seems perfectly familiar and normal if I’m not paying enough attention. Or perhaps “style” isn’t the right word, since I’m pretty sure it’s a literal font, which would explain not only the unwavering consistency of my writing, but also my total inability to alter it in any way. I don’t know exactly how the typeface is linked to me, whether it’s in my .chr file or some line buried deep within the code, but it’s the only thing that makes any real sense, so at least that’s one mystery solved.  
  
…I’m not sure why, but somehow having my handwriting so thoroughly restricted feels more discomfiting to me than literally _being_ Monika.  
  
Shadows surge through the world again, an occurrence I think I’m actually starting to become numb to. Sayori is now talking to Elano, while Natsuki gets up from her desk and starts walking over to me.  
  
“Hey Monika. What are you doing?” she asks before I can do anything, looking over the various pristine-looking nonsense scrawled upon the page in front of me.  
  
“Um… nothing much.” I reply guardedly. “Just practicing my handwriting.”  
  
_Still_ no script, hidden or otherwise. Here I was all worried about having no time or place to explain anything to Yuri and Natsuki in the future, and it turns out if I’d waited all of fifteen in-game minutes or so, I’d have found out nearly the entire poem sharing time qualifies, and probably not just today’s. I’m still not going to say anything to them just yet- that can wait until after I’ve finished testing the waters and refining my approach with Sayori- but I swear, I’m going to drive myself spare with all these wrong assumptions.  
  
“Seriously?” Natsuki stares at me, placing her hands on her hips. “I don’t feel like that’s something you usually need to practice, but I guess you are the club president for a reason.”  
  
I glance down. My clubmate has her poem in hand, so I doubt she’s here just to make random small talk. Might as well head her off.  
  
“Well, I wouldn’t say that just yet.” I comment. “I’m the only one here who didn’t finish my poem, after all.”  
  
“Huh? What do you mean?” Natsuki asks, tilting her head to the right.  
  
I smile sheepishly. “I mean exactly that- I didn’t finish. Time just seemed to run away from me last night...”  
  
Somewhat literally, in fact.  
  
“Really?” Natsuki blinks, clearly surprised. “That’s not like you, Monika. You’re always so… you know, on the ball.”  
  
“I know. I’m kind of embarrassed about it, actually.” I tell her.  
  
“Why not just do it now then?”  
  
…what?  
  
“We still have some time left before club ends,” Natsuki points out, “and there’s no reason you can’t finish your poem here, right?”  
  
“I… I suppose not…” I stutter uncertainly.  
  
“So what are you waiting for?”  
  
I stare at the pink haired girl for a moment, not entirely sure what to say. I could probably refuse, since the script isn’t around to enforce any particular outcome to this conversation, but… I don’t think there’s really any good reason to do so?  
  
“Come on Monika, you owe it to everyone to at least try.” Natsuki pouts. “We can’t trade poems with you if you don’t have one yourself.”  
  
“…I suppose that’s fair.” I admit, capitulating. The only real “risk” to this I can think of is potentially embarrassing myself with a bad poem, so I suppose there’s no issue in going along with this.  
  
I reach into my desk to pull out my list, before immediately thinking better of it and retracting my hand.  
  
“Er… you know what, maybe I’ll just start a new poem.” I say somewhat nervously, flipping my notebook to a clean page. “I didn’t really like where I was going with the other one anyways.”  
  
“Fine by me.” Natsuki says indifferently. “Probably shouldn’t make it too long though, or we won’t have time to share.”  
  
I hum my agreement, but hesitate with my pencil over the paper, bereft of a clear topic. I wouldn’t really call myself bad at poetry, but it’s pretty rare I have reason to be writing anything like this, and when I do I usually I have some sort of prompt to work with, not to mention a heck of a lot more time. I guess I’ll just write about what I’m feeling right now or something? That’s the only subject that immediately comes to mind, and I do have quite a lot to get off my chest…  
  
I start writing, and words begin flowing out of me at a rather startling speed.

 

_The place in which I’ve found myself  
Is one I’d wish on no one else  
  
At each turn a problem, each turn something new  
Each time I learn something, it becomes untrue  
  
I’m consumed by panic, torn apart by rage  
Forced through the motions like a doll on parade  
  
Struggle and thrash, but a lone displaced girl  
Is hardly a match for the whims of the world  
  
For a plan is in place, and it can’t be resisted  
It holds every card as the plot grows more twisted  
  
The threads intertwining; complexity grows  
A tangle of thorns from my brain’s blooming rose  
  
‘Til all that remains is a mind without thought  
Hopelessly snarled like the Gordian Knot  
  
Should that time ever come, there’ll be naught I can do  
But await to be finally cloven in two…_

 

I set the pencil down, my hand actually cramping from how fast I wrote all that. Okay, that was really rushed, but… for being written in all of a couple minutes, I think this actually looks pretty good, if I do say so myself. Though, I’m not exactly fond of the overall tone. Nor the ending, for that matter. I was basically just writing off the top of my head, so it naturally ended up like that, but while that is how it feels, it's certainly not how I _want_ all this to ultimately play out…  
  
Trying to remind myself that things are technically looking up right now, I move to erase the two end verses and replace them with something more uplifting. Before I can however, Natsuki notices that I've stopped writing.  
  
“That was fast.” she says, grabbing the notebook before I can protest. "Here, let me see… wow, you got a lot written in just a few minutes.”  
  
“Thanks, but I wasn’t actually finished, Natsuki.” I say, slightly annoyed.  
  
“Oh.” Natsuki blushes. “I-It’s just… it looked like you were done, so I thought-”  
  
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” I tell her, waving off the apology. I suppose it doesn’t really matter how it ends; I only wrote it on request anyways. “I guess you could call it complete. Go ahead.”  
  
As Natsuki agrees and starts looking over the poem, I find myself briefly concerned I that I didn’t properly think this through, given the subject I went with. I calm almost immediately, however. The script isn’t a factor right now, and unlike my escape methods list the poem is fairly abstract, so it shouldn’t be nearly as obvious how literal it actually is. I doubt Natsuki will extrapolate anything important from it, and in the unlikely event that she does and takes it poorly, editing her .chr file is still on the table. I appreciate how knowing I have that option now gives me a safety net of sorts.  
  
“Well, I like the rhyme scheme,” Natsuki starts, frowning, “but… this is kind of dour, Monika. Can’t say I’m a fan of the tone.”  
  
Not surprising; I’m not either.  
  
“I can see what you were going for though.” the pink haired girl continues. “Feeling frustrated and helpless to control your own destiny, with everything seeming overwhelming and out of your hands sometimes… it’s definitely relatable. I am interpreting that right, aren’t I?”  
  
“You got it.” I say, smiling sadly. She’s not actually wrong, truth be told…  
  
“Have to say, I’m a little surprised you of all people would feel that way Monika.” Natsuki comments. “You always seem so much more put together than everyone else. It’s actually a little hard to imagine you writing this, even though I just watched you do it.”  
  
I almost snort- that would be wrong even if I actually _were_ Monika.  
  
“I’m far from perfect, Natsuki.” I reply. “I get stressed out and overwhelmed just like everybody else. Maybe I’m just better at hiding it than most.”  
  
“Huh…” Natsuki seems to think on that for a moment, looking back at the poem again. “Well, I still feel like this could be a little less bleak, but I guess for what you were writing about, it works pretty well. Do you have a title for it?”  
  
“Ah, I hadn’t really thought about it, but…” I ruminate on it for a moment, “how about ‘The World Won’t Break Me’?”  
  
Natsuki squints at me for a moment in response, then shrugs. “Don’t know if that really fits, but it’s your poem, so if you say so Monika.”  
  
She hands me back the notebook, and I take a moment to write my on-the-spot title at the top of the page. Yes, it’s a little contrary given where I left it, but I kind of like that.  
  
“A-anyways, you can take a look at my poem now. If you want to, I mean.” Natsuki says, looking away and crossing her arms under her chest.  
  
I restrain myself from rolling my eyes at her less-than-believable attempt to act like she doesn’t really care. “Sure Natsuki. Pass it over.”  
  
She does, and I take a look.

 

 **Eagles Can Fly**  
  
_Monkeys can climb  
Crickets can leap  
Horses can race  
Owls can seek  
Cheetahs can run  
Eagles can fly  
People can try  
But that’s about it_

 

…nothing unusual here, it seems.  
  
“Very nice.” I compliment, handing it back. “Pretty simple, but I think the final sentence has more of an impact as a result.”  
  
Natsuki grins. “That’s exactly what I was going for!” she says, flashing her small fang at me. “You do get what it’s about, right?”  
  
I tap my finger against my chin for a moment, trying to recall what she said about it in the game. “You were trying to represent feelings of inadequacy, weren’t you?”  
  
Natsuki nods, her expression becoming a little downcast. “Yeah. Seeing other people do incredible things, while you’re just sort of going along through life? It’s pretty discouraging, sometimes. It can be hard to not just stop trying.”  
  
“I understand that.” I say sympathetically. “Doing your best, only to never quite measure up to others… it’s a horrible feeling.”  
  
That came out a little more negatively than I intended, but Natsuki doesn’t seem to mind.  
  
“Pretty impressive I managed to represent that with just one line though, right?” she says, preening.  
  
I smile at her with slightly lidded eyes. “I suppose so.”  
  
Natsuki seems to freeze for a moment, apparently not having expected me to answer in the affirmative, and begins sporting another blush. “A-anyways!” she sputters, “I still have to talk to Yuri, so I… guess I’d better go do that.”  
  
“Right... try to keep an open mind.” I tell her, seeing that she doesn’t look terribly enthused about the prospect.  
  
Natsuki nods somewhat grudgingly as the seemingly never-ending parade of scene transitions continues, though finally showing some variation in that only a single wave goes by this time. The pink haired girl starts walking around the classroom to where Yuri is sitting, while Sayori is immediately teleported from the front of the classroom to the side of her desk. Being all of a few feet to my right, she immediately notices the new addition to my composition book.  
  
“What’s that Monika?” she asks.  
  
“Er… Natsuki didn’t want to trade for an unfinished poem, so I wrote a new one.” I quickly explain, not having expected to jump right from one unscripted conversation into another.  
  
“Ooh, can I see?”  
  
I tentatively nod and pass Sayori the notebook, figuring there wasn’t any issue when Natsuki saw it, so it’s probably fine. As the other girl looks the page over, a sudden rush of cheer infuses me, and I find myself hoping she finishes quickly so we can talk... but not about anything specific, which confuses me. Huh? Is this the script, or am I just suddenly feeling talkative?  
  
I check the code window. There’s a line that just finished executing that I can only assume is the one responsible:

**“Across the room, Sayori and Monika are happily chatting.”**

Apparently “happily chatting” without any further details means there’s no pre-defined topic, so I guess we’re still free to discuss whatever, so long as we discuss _something_? That’s weirdly generous of the script. I am feeling a little less frazzled than I was earlier, so I suppose I could get a head start on tonight’s planned discussion… except, I already know we’re going to get interrupted, and there’s probably not enough time for me to get into anything all that important. I guess I’ll just leave it be for now.  
  
“This is really good Monika!” Sayori declares as she finishes reading. “You wrote this in just a few minutes?”  
  
“Yep!” I say, the cheer still affecting me. “It could probably stand to be refined a little actually. I haven’t really gotten the chance yet.”  
  
Sayori shakes her head. “Maybe, but I like it as is! The metaphors kind of remind me of Yuri’s and Elano’s poems, though yours seems a little more… um… accessible, I guess?” she says, pausing for a moment. “Actually, the rhymes are a lot like Natsuki’s poem, and the tone almost feels like something I might write… it’s like a perfect blend of all our styles!”  
  
Sayori’s jubilant expression suddenly falls and takes a dip into panic. “Er, not to say you don’t have your own style Monika! I didn’t mean-”  
  
“It’s fine, it’s fine!” I laugh. “I’m not insulted, don’t worry.”  
  
She’s giving me way more credit than she probably should, actually. Also, now that I think of it, maybe I should at least tell Sayori I’ll probably be showing up at her house tonight? If possible I’m hoping to actually enter through the door this time, and it feels like I owe her that basic courtesy.  
  
“Hey, Sayori?” I start as she places my notebook back on my desk. “I might need your help with something.”  
  
“Hmm?” Sayori looks at me, doe eyed. “With what? The festival?”  
  
“No, it’s not that.” I say, keeping an ear on the quiet altercation that’s begun on the other side of the room . “I don’t think I have the time to explain right now, so do you mind if I pop in and tell you later tonight?”  
  
“Tonight?” Sayori repeats. “Does that mean you're coming over to my house?”  
  
I nod. “If you don’t mind.”  
  
“Wait… Monika, are you asking to have a sleepover with me?” Sayori asks, suddenly excited.  
  
“I… uh…” I stammer, not having expected that particular interpretation of my words. “I mean, I _guess_ you could call it that, but-”  
  
“I'd absolutely love to!” Sayori exclaims with a brilliant smile.  
  
Ah... no, I wasn't...  
  
“This is so exciting!” Sayori beams, her expression perhaps the happiest I've seen from her thus far. “I already can't wait!”  
  
...oh, fine.  
  
“Wow, I can't even remember the last time I had a sleepover.” Sayori says, giggling. “What should we do? Stay up late? Paint our nails? Share secrets with each other?”  
  
“Eheh... sure...” I mumble, looking away. Somehow I doubt this will involve... well, actually at least two of those items probably _will_ feature prominently come to think of it, but not in the way Sayori now seems to expect. Still, no need to rain on her parade just yet...  
  
“Ooh! If we’re doing more of them for tomorrow, we can even work on our poems together!” Sayori chirps.  
  
At that, I do smile, looking down at my poem again. I admit, while I've never really seen the appeal of a literature club before, writing and sharing this _was_ actually kind of fun. Not exactly helpful in getting me out of here, but essentially harmless, so-  
  
My veins turn to ice. Essentially harmless  unless the script decides to count this as my poem for tomorrow once today ends. I’m not sure how much narrative sense that would make with both Natsuki and Sayori already having seen it, but it’s been repeatedly proven to me that I can’t trust I know what the script will do. The poem has to go. Except, Sayori is literally _right next to me_ right now, how do I do that without-  
  
“Oh? I didn't realize you were so interested in trying to impress our new member, Yuri.”  
  
Natsuki's loud, spiteful sounding accusation rings out over the room, as does the sound of her chair's legs screeching against the floor as she suddenly stands up.  
  
“E-Eh?!” Yuri squeaks in response. “That's not what I...! Uu...You...You're just...”  
  
Yuri stands up too, and I look to my side. Sayori's attention has been completely diverted by the now rapidly escalating argument. Well, that works...  
  
I quickly slip the still open book into my desk, alongside the escape methods list. Placing the unbound page on top as an afterthought, I quietly start tearing both pages to shreds, one for the second time over. Assuming this actually destroys them like I hope it does, I suppose Yuri won't be seeing either of these- I wonder why she never came over to exchange with me? Not that I'm complaining, but the opportunity is clearly gone at this point. Maybe the game just didn't get around to it.  
  
As Yuri snaps at Natsuki again, Sayori gets up and rushes over to intercede. Shortly after, I find myself compelled to follow her lead.  
  
“U-Um!! Is everyone okay...?” Sayori asks, attempting to cut in.  
  
“Well you know what?” Natsuki all but yells, completely ignoring her. “I wasn't the one whose boobs magically grew a size as soon as Elano started showing up!”  
  
“N-Natsuki!!” Yuri gasps.  
  
“Um, Natsuki,” the script has me say uncertainly, “that's a little...”  
  
“ **This doesn't involve you!** ” Yuri and Natsuki yell in tandem at both of us.  
  
They're right, honestly. I certainly don't feel like I really need to participate in this.  
  
With the level of noise going on around me making it next to impossible to concentrate on anything important, I just busy myself attempting to dissociate from the argument as the girls inevitably suck Elano into it, essentially trying to force him to choose the winner. I hear another ***ping*** when he finally chooses to respond, whereupon he decides to pass the buck to Sayori, who eventually manages to calm everything down…  
  
“Natsuki’s cute and there’s nothing wrong with that!” Sayori asserts. “And Yuri’s boobs are the same as they always were! Big and beautiful!!”  
  
…though her concluding statement could perhaps have used some revising. All the same, it seems to work, as Yuri flees under the pretense of making tea, while Natsuki sits down with a thousand yard stare.  
  
“So, this is why Sayori is Vice President…” Elano leans over and whispers to me.  
  
I suppose saying things like that with utter sincerity and zero embarrassment _is_ a rather unique skill, yes. I don’t bother to speak over the script to actually say that however, instead letting it guide me through the rest of the brief conversation until yet  another scene transition leaves me standing at the front of the room. I think I’ve literally lost track of how many of those there have been at this point.  
  
“Okay, everyone!” I announce to the room. “It’s just about time for us to leave. How did you all feel about sharing poems?”  
  
Everyone responds positively, prompting a swell of delight to rise within my chest.  
  
“Awesome! In that case, we’ll do the same thing tomorrow.” I declare. “And maybe you learned something from your friends, too. So your poems will turn out even better!”  
  
As I attempt to temper the flow of false emotion (despite how nice it feels), Sayori walks up to Elano and asks him if he’s ready to walk home. As they begin walking out, I find myself unexpectedly calling out to them.  
  
“I’ll be over later in the evening, okay Sayori?”  
  
Sayori smiles at me and nods before exiting the classroom with Elano. Apparently the script is now on board with the sleepover plan. Makes sense- we did make arrangements for later in an unscripted scene, after all. I’m not sure I like that, but hopefully with nothing originally planned for this evening, there won’t be any issues…  
  
The world begins to shift, and a final tide of black floods in. The formless mass of shadow breaks upon me, and I let myself be swept away.


End file.
